No Kissing, Just Fucking

In Their Own World

2011-09-19T15:08:00.000-07:00

This picture is dreamy and beautiful!

Tainted Blood

2011-09-14T13:20:00.000-07:00

I moved into a new neighborhoodearly this year. Me, my partner and the furry kids thought a bigger house wouldbe good for us and furthermore, the place is nearer to my workplace. So the newneighborhood is filled with young yuppies or family so they do have JointManagement Board to look after the place like cleanliness and safety. I guessyou signed up to all of these when you signed the dotted line.

Well one day I received thisflyer inviting the residents to join for a blood donation drive to help theNational Blood Bank restock their blood supply. Sounds noble indeed. But inorder to donate blood you must fulfilled few conditions. First, you have notstayed in Europe and Great Britain in the year 1980 something up to 1990something (presumably because of the mad cow syndrome). Secondly, you are nottested positive for HIV and Hepatitis. Thirdly, you are not cancer patient, hasnot undergone chemotherapy for at least one year. There are few more of thispre – qualifying conditions that I can’t remember. But I guess the one thatmany people do not know of, even in Malaysia, is that if you had sex with men(or a man), protected or unprotected, you are not allowed to donate blood.

I have never donated blood in mylife. I did not know of this ban until recently when I was living in UK. But tobe fair, I used to be a scrawny kid so my blood was unwanted. The main reasonwhy the blood bank refuse to receive blood from MSM (men who have sex with men)regardless whether they are (were?) gay or bisexual is that there is anincreased risk of HIV infection.

I guess that is valid reason but Ido wonder in the case of Malaysia, if you are not honest with your sexuality,would you accept the fact that your blood is ‘tainted’?

I don’t think I ever discussedthis issue with my friends so I am not very sure of their level of awareness. Therewas an instant in the past which I barely can recall there might be one or twoof my friends did donate some blood light years before. I can’t be very sure. Gaylobbyists everywhere (not Malaysia, as far as I know of) have pushed for thisembargo to be lifted. They did succeed of doing that in the UK but with limitedsuccess. Homosexual men can only donate blood if they have not have sex withother men for at least 10 years.

Yes, I do repeat, 10 fucking years!

Excuse me, 10 NO fucking years!

I found that hilarious. I havenot yet met these people alive or even dead. There are few of my friends thatmight be reaching that time target (hahaha!). Really the only gay people thatdo not have sex or fellatio or some form of sexual excitement are geriatrics. Forgod sakes, 67 – year old Calvin Klein is still snogging (hot) Nick Gruber in theliving daylight. Not to mentioned the elderly gentleman Mr. Armani himself wasrecently seen with seriously strapping man at undisclosed location.

I seriously think that the healthauthorities need to be serious about lifting this ban. The decision pointshould be a yes or no, not in between. Putting caveat or condition upon acondition is plain insulting. I read (or watch?) some stories somewhere aboutpainting a scenario whereby a boyfriend might need to get immediate bloodtransfusion and it happens that he is of special blood type and it is also thehappens that the partner or friend of the boyfriend have the same blood type buthe cannot donate because he fucks men. Sad.

So the message is be aware of thethings you want to do especially donating bodily fluids to charity (and Ido not mean ‘donating’ ‘bodily fluid’ to a ‘charity’). Get educatedabout the subject matter and do whatever you preach.

Bi Like Who?

2011-09-02T20:12:00.000-07:00

I have been trying to write for quite sometime. It seemsthat I have a finite amount of creative juices available for writing and ittook a long time to replenish itself. What a bummer! Since most of time I havebeen focussing on my other writing job (which actually pays the bills), this blog has become a neglected child. But Itold myself that I will not neglect my blog anymore. I know my blog is not thatinteresting because of the lack of the pictures, exotic escapades, (dirty) description of sexualconquests or my lack of interest in local entertainment scene, but anyhow Imanaged. My blog is not for that.

I met up with one of my good friends for dinner. I wascraving a good ol’ bloody steak (BTW, I love my steak to be medium, slightly onthe raw side, well done steak tastes like rubber) and I dragged him along. So after the usual (compulsory) chat aboutwork, I moved on another topic. This about this boy he has been seeing (ortoying more like it). I known this boy he’s seeing quite a while ago but in awhole different circumstances (not in a sexual manner). So I know my friend here has not get a nookiesince the last day I can wear a tight jeans.

He mentioned that the relationship is going okay (not thathe has any reference to that and also means they haven’t get it ‘on’ yet) buthe knew there is one single contentious issue wedging between him and this boy.He knows that the boy knows he still like to see beautiful girls (boobs and allof that). He thinks that the boy thinks that is a sign of ‘unfaithfulness’. Theboy could not handle the meandering thoughts.

So I said ‘pick a side now’

And the most convenient of answer came out. ‘I can’t decide’

And I replied ‘clearly’

The dinner ended and we said goodbye to each other. I justcannot figure this bisexuality thing out. Some says that bisexuality is justthe last stop to complete homoville but I like to digress. Some people dabbledwith homosexuality during their younger years, will that make them a lifetimebisexual? Maybe they just can’t getenough, maybe they just being greedy. Imet few self proclaimed bisexuals but honestly, I just don’t know want to makeout of that information. As I saidbefore, make up your mind!

The Calling

2011-08-31T00:42:00.001-07:00

I found myself a little like of a lost child these days. Not physically but more spiritually and mentally.

It has been almost a year since I’m back to Malaysia and I did not regret leaving UK. With all the cuts made across the board, UK will remain in recession for the foreseeable future.

I have encountered serious setbacks in my professional life now but I guess that is part and parcel of the things I have signed on for. So I have been looking for other venues for me to be able to realise my potential. First, I’ve sign up for a volunteer scheme for teaching in Malaysian schools; which will be a major cut to my monthly earning. Looking for a new job is still is an option but my qualifications will be seen to be a major hurdle.

I can’t help to wonder what exactly has been holding me back?

Why I keep on whining but never take stock to change?

Clearly there is no straight answer. I am still hoping that my current organisation will be a little bit accommodative towards their staff. Surely they understand that this type of organisation requires more than yearly results but emphasis equal importance on the building tacit knowledge and processes. Here I go again, whining about something that I can change.

Seriously, buck up and MOVE ON!

One Very Feverish Transition

2011-03-24T05:47:00.000-07:00

I have never forgotten how fast – paced KL is where driving is the only means of getting around and Malaysian Hospitality is a thing of the past once you hit that accelerator. Still, I found the quality of the people is still commendable, people do smile, make friendly (sometimes offensive) banter and offer you help when you need it. While I found these qualities to be universal in nature whenever you are, what can we offer more?

Should we infect other people with simple kindness by simply paying it forward?

The second thing, getting on KL social scene is really tough. I love sitting down, listening to people singing against dim back light and muted sound of traffic. But, if you are to bump into a person or group of people that you used to hang out with light years ago, I can assure you it would be embarrassing if you can’t recall any of their names. And it is equally embarrassing if you pretend not to know them but they caught you glancing at them. At that point you can choose to continue to enjoy the show or drag yourself out of the bar.

So what do we do now?

I found it extremely empowering when so many of red – blooded Malaysian males are declaring them selves to be ‘out and proud’ as token of support to ‘It Can Only Gets Better’ campaign. Surely, Tyler Clementi’s death would not be in vain since the objective is not to scorn any homophobic – related bullying or unfortunate incidents but continuously to spread the word that life can only get better if we continue to persevere.

Great things come from the smallest act of kindness.

Happy New Years – All in One Go

2011-02-03T16:25:00.000-08:00

I guess happy New Year wish is in order, therefore Happy (Chinese) New Year 2011. May the year bring you good luck and blessings.

For the past months, proceeding my departure from UK, I have been running around like headless chicken, alas the relative quietness of my cyber space. My partner and I have moved to our new house after almost (a record time) renovation period of 3 weeks. I got my dream walk in wardrobe where my shoes and clothes found their new home for many years to come. I got my dream kitchen where all my gadgets are neatly attached to their respective place. My partner is now actually like being in the kitchen for a change. We just had a house warming party last weekend and (most) of my friends came over, it was fun.

Hold your breath, I actually enjoy coming back to work in Malaysia, my workplace is now much nearer to my new house. And because of that, I am less stressful when I get to and fro work.

Every day is a beautiful day in Malaysia. UK will not be missed. Hahaha!

Coming Home

2010-11-06T17:44:00.000-07:00

Finally, I am home. I have been back on Malaysian shore for a week now. I have to be honest, I actually did not feel sad of leaving Belfast but I did feel sad leaving the house that has been kind to me for the past three years. Being homeless was not fun. And when I saw the Malaysian land from the plane, I was experiencing mix feeling at that time (as pointed by the couple from Southampton sitting next to me), I felt like running out of the plane and kiss the tarmac, literally. And I have never been happier when I saw my significant other’s face (and his best friend) at that arrival hall as now I know I am back for good (and alive too, to boot).

Getting around Malaysian time is much harder now probably because of the accumulated sleep debt over the past few months while I was writing my thesis. I had only 4 hours sleep for the first five days, staying up on a normal working day will certainly be a challenge. But the first order of the day was to get myself a new phone since I have accidentally shipped my phone’s charger along with 56 other boxes on a liner. Anyhow, to those who know me well, my rate of phone change out is once in five years (the growth rate of any moss is much higher than this).

Getting back in touch with my friends after all these years was particularly challenging since I only meet them once a year and never all of them in one sitting. Many of them still keep my 10 – year old number but equally many of them didn’t keep it too. So I will only put the effort to find them when I accidentally meet them somewhere in the future.

My big project has not yet begins since the developer had a scuff with the local authorities. Gone the dream of moving into the new home and hey presto, the agonising two months wait of getting the keys. I am now looking at revised moving in date of January 2011, but my ship load will have to get into the house by next month because I don’t have any space for all of my stuff (and shoes) in our current home.

I am so excited to stay home and get back to work and go to late night show by my dearest mommy in a jazz club (which I don’t know exactly the location but I will find out later). I noticed that I am getting extremely polite to people these days, I said thank you repetitiously everytime I meet new people and I don't swear so often to other driver now while I am on the road. I hope I still have that short fuse temper somewhere because that will become extremely handy after I am back to work.

I have never been happier.

It Can Only Get Better

2010-10-01T04:23:00.001-07:00

Something stirred in my mind when I heard and read the news on Tyler Clementi’s tragic death due to cyber – bullying. I do agree the crime committed is not driven by hate nor homophobia but purely due to nascent of ignorance and horrid act of invasion of privacy.

Therefore, when I heard about a recent break – up of a good friend of mine with his long – term partner and the following events pre and post – breakup really get me going in a bad way. I have only met the curious case (the ex – partner that is) only once but I did like him (as a friend). I do not condone the infidelities that the partner committed against my friend because it is the worst crime that a person can do in a relationship. But equally, if not more, the way that how the events unfold itself.

I know for a fact that my friends or acquaintances are not the easiest bunch to please and they can be very nasty at times when the ball gets rolling. But that is not an excuse or license to get even on behalf of the person of concern. I am horribly mortified about the lewd comments and innuendos that I have read (courtesy of concerned citizen) on the ex – partner facebook page. My friend have openly declared that he has forgiven all the hurtful things that ex – partner did and even urged the ex – partner to move on and pursue more important things (accordingly to the ex - partner).

I applauded such grandiose gesture and criticisms directed to my friends on their unsavoury behaviour towards his ex –partner. This is a classic case of cyber – bullying and we already know what can and might happen if we continue towards this road. I know their underlying intentions are chivalrous but the translations or actions are plain menacing.

We already have / had bad time for being people like us and we should not compound the problems, even more from our own society.

I know I sounded like an old fart but this is a very grave matter. Have not our university years taught us anything?

And You Can Cry For Me Too

2010-09-26T01:06:00.000-07:00

Nicholas Sparks is a tearjerker maestro.

Up until now, 6 of his books have been adapted into films starring Diane Lane, Richard Gere (hot!), Ryan Gosling (Hercules hot!), Anson something and that girl that used to be 90’s teeny bopper songstress. This year alone two of his books – turned – films got released starring Miley Cyrus (yikes) / Liam Hemsworth (Adonis Hot) and Channing Tatum (Abercrombie Burner) / Amanda Seyfried (Angelic Beauty) and I watched both of them in a span of two weeks. It is really hard for these two films to surpassed the high benchmark set by The Notebook, I guess the most successful adaptation of Nicholas Sparks’ book (a cult favourite too).

It is very hard to talk about The Notebook – a real tearjerker, without having those images of faith and love lost – love found flashing through your head. My significant other absolutely loves this movie.

Dear John is the better than The Last Song. I just can’t get around the fact that Miley Cyrus has a horridly big front tooth and detached performance by Greg Kinnear. The boy that played the younger brother clearly was the bigger (and better) actor and that is the only redeeming thing about the movie.

I’ve read Dear John before the film got released. I was a little bit unhappy about the story line because the film downplayed two central themes which are autism and war. The theatre – released ending also was done to appease the theatre – going masses, which is fine by me.

Go on and watch The Notebook, everybody needs a good cry now and then!

The Countdown Begins

2010-09-18T04:22:00.000-07:00

Let me start with a warm wish of Happy Eid – Fitr.

Clearly autumn has started with a drastic change of weather for the last few days. The infamous showers are here to stay. While I’m still rummaging my wardrobe for coats and knitwears, I suddenly remembered that I have only six weeks to go before my term ends here. It is so exciting! I have so many projects to do in Malaysia. Well, not really but I do have a major one that will burn a big hole in my pocket especially at the rate my significant other going at right now.

The idea of moving is slightly daunting but I have my mover on call now. They will do the packing for me but I still need few boxes in advance as I don’t want them going through my clothes and shoes without me knowing in which box are they in. I am a bit uptight about that. My significant other still has some clothes here and that need careful packing too. Books, files, magazines and picture frames need careful packing too. And all of these with thesis writing, technical journal writing and the possibility of being out of job, so many things to do and so little time.

My living allowance also has suffered in recent months since I have put expensive purchases to very last few months as I can enjoy VAT refund. With the talk of potential slump of UK retail sales for the second half, my spending clearly will soften the blow a bit. My Beau and Erin and Rufus will get their day beds and activity centres, a pledge I made many years ago.

So, my advice to those that want to buy their Louis Vuittons, Pradas, Burberrys or Marc Jacobs, you might as well tell me now so that I can incorporate that to my last visit to London before I’m flying off end of October. I will be back in UK for work after 3 months but I will like to be done and over with it in this few weeks.

The fashion bits, everybody will go with strong military feels and fantastic desert boots. Preppy posh looks also on the list especially with American brands which I love since I am a stuckup upper brat. But high in my list is a Jeffrey West black patent leather shoes, simply gorgeous.

Absolutely Deplorable!

2010-08-09T05:52:00.000-07:00

I had the chance to go back to Malaysia last week for several days due to an unfortunate incident befallen certain family member. I did relish a bit the chance to go out from UK as means to get away from the memory of miserable weeks I had before and of course the chance to spend time with my significant other even for few days. After forking a horrid amount of money for to and fro ticket to Malaysia, I have only packed two vacuum packs, full of our leftovers clothes and good to go I am. Good was an overstatement.

The first bad experience I had was at the baggage layover. My flight touched down approximately 20 past seven am. So looking less glamorous, the last thing I need is running around looking for luggage and of course, the shoes I was wearing is not designed for running. After waiting almost 40 minutes, my luggage appeared. I mean the airport was almost deserted with our plane the only one touching down that morning, how hard it could be to get the bags on the right lane?

My significant other has mentioned (incessantly) for the past few months about this new watering hole aka shopping complex near to our house. So we decided to go there for dinner since a new branch of our favourite Italian restaurant was opened. First impression does matter, I think the new front of house were no older than 16 year olds that apparently does not know how to say ‘thank you’ and ‘please’. Fair enough, I said. The interior deco was slightly off than the other two branches that me and my significant other always frequented by looking more like a kopitiam than a restaurant. Then they sent still water when I specifically asked for sparkling water and they said they will not take it back when half the content is already gone. Of course it is gone, the water is in the glasses, you blabbering idiot!

The third bad experience I had in our beloved KL when the both of us went out for lunch in a restaurant near our hotel. I’ve heard some bad review from few of my friends about the service but my friends can be absurdly unapologetic or OTT towards proprietor. So both of us sat down and put out our order. My significant other’s food came in first and mine 40 minutes later and cold! Lesson learnt: next time listen to your friends.

The last one happened at a well known restaurant in KLCC, me and my friends went there for coffee and chat. One of my friends ordered chicken with pasta or something since he hasn’t had any dinner yet. The waiter (or waitress) whom sounded very much like non – local took our order without writing anything which to me some of the details will be left out. ‘Left out’ did happen as the pasta came like 30 minutes after seating. The foreign sounding waiter (or waitress) didn’t even bother to say ‘sorry’.

So after 5 months from my last visit back, everything has gotten down to a new low. Our service industry expanded so much; quality becomes the last determining factor in running a business. Poor customer service, badly trained staff and static environment will definitely affect my decision to spend my money. The last memorable good service I had was at La Bodega Pavillion when eight of my friends joined me for dinner and we were waited by this lovely petite girl who continuously tried to appease us on every requests and horrid jokes. I think I did leave her a good sum of tip (I think!).

WLTM

2010-07-03T13:06:00.000-07:00

One of my favourite’s monthly columns appears in Attitude magazine by Pip McCormac. He usually writes about his adventures of trying to end his (sort of everlasting) singledom in the (obviously gay) London City. Although I sometimes found his whining can be irritable, it does not mask the fact that many of people like us want different thing in life, which I have to say, changes over a short period of time. Same like me, he wants a really simple life with a potential domestic partner who likes to huddle up on the couch watching Phil Spencer and Kristie Allsops’ rerun programs, dreaming of white picket fences and one or two furry critters of choice.

The best bit I guess about the story of how he got back together with an ex which in past has verbally abused and horribly paranoid after one too many pints of beer or something. Talk about masochism and sadistic behaviour! Didn’t get enough pain the first time, why not go for another helping!? This is not uncommon for many of us. I had similar experience in the past and some of my friends too. There should be an award for us for ‘The Ultimate Positive Thinker’ or ‘The Horribly Corrupt Person in Denial’. That relationship didn’t work out for Pip for the same reason as the first time around.

After spending seemingly like a lifetime in places such as Old Compton Street and online sites, he actually found someone who likes him back. From what the author’s descriptions, the guy is a catch. Good looking, good job, probably have super good smile (like Alan Pownall) and good in sacks, Pip must have shreds his mental check list to oblivion. And the guy introduced Pip to his friends as his boyfriend (ahh...that’s magic)

You and I would think that would be the end of his column. He already found (sort of) The One. Not quite actually. The boyfriend likes to have a threesome. Undaunted by the prospect of a third occupier of the bed, Pip tried to bribe his way by having constant and vigorous sex, hoping to extinguishes the boyfriend’s desire. It did work (for some time) but they sacrificed their social life. The boyfriend still is dangling the idea in front Pip. Poor him and he concurred that in relationship compromises must be made but to what extent?

I wish him the best of luck and like many of us and me, we did find our own balance in meeting our expectations and needs. The only thing I want now is to be back home and be with my significant other and my two (furry) children.

Guilty Pleasures

2010-06-20T01:56:00.000-07:00

With World Cup really heating up, for people like us, the only motivation we have is to be in the stadium or room fill with emotionally and adrenaline high men, shouting and cursing, getting so intense as if they might be on the verge of orgasm. I do like watching football occasionally because over the years, I do think that the footballers from every team are getting more and better looking. I mean who would not want that six packs and large well formed thighs? Gone are the days when Pele and Shearer rules based on talent, now we are moving towards who looks better on camera.

I would like to think that England’s team is the best looking team in World Cup 2010 although their performances up until now are much to be desired. Let alone the usual suspects like Beckham and (super gorgeous) Lampard, Gerrard, Cole, Barry and Green are super hot too. No wonder the WAGS (to those who do not know what that means, it stands for Wife and Girlfriends, for example Chantelle and Cheryl Cole) are the status all the young girls (at least in UK) wanting to achieve now. Hot, occasionally young, talented and filthy rich men up for the takings, who wouldn’t want that! Even the ugly duckling Rooney has awesomely beautiful and down – to –earth scouse lass Colleen to boot.

Although Beckham is bound to the bench now, I am amaze how well he dressed on the pitch. The last game England had against Algeria, he wore a trench three piece suit! Probably he had to entertain all the FIFA officials for London’s bid for 2018. And my lovely Prince William has unfortunately inherited the bad gene from his father with the ever thinning hairline. Maybe it’s time to consider hair transplant.

Whoever who have seen the latest ad campaign for Armani Underwear with Ronaldo in the starring role (ok people, stop drooling!) would testify that his perfectly formed body with hard pecks gives little room for imaginations. Nicklas Bendtner is one hot Danish although I would like him to have a little bit more colour on his skins, alabaster white is not good on anybody. Fernando Torres is clearly the crowd’s favourite with his dirty blond hair and lean body.

Clearly I do not enjoyed football during my growing up years, I found it irresistible nowdays. I seriously like sweaty men now minus the smell of course. And vuvuezuela is seriously annoying, it should be banned from entering any country.

Vow of Silence? Really?

2010-06-11T14:46:00.001-07:00

I just came back from the dreaded sequel of Sex and The City. I had the same feeling, after watching the movie, like wanting to like something so bad but can’t really carry yourself to do that, something like a very nice young man or the latest piece of your favourite designer; something that probably ends up at the back of your closet, still wrapped in its original packaging or something that came up now or then and it hits you ‘what was I thinking’.

I love the gals to bits, they reminds me of good times when you were young and perk but should something, like many things in life, just left untouched?

The first thing that shocked me is the price of the ticket. At GBP 6.20, I kept my optimism level high despite the reviews that I have read (and trust me, they weren’t pretty) the movie will be worth every penny. After the usual slew of trailers and advertisements, I was getting a little bit annoyed with the ever continuing giggles of middle age white women thinking that they were having their ‘Carrie Bradshaw’ moment. And then ‘BAMM!!’, I was hit with the gayest opening scene ever to hit the silver screen. It was so gay, even the 10 of your gayest scenes from any of your movie choices combined (plus the old day drag shows in Bluebar) will not be able to match it.

Come on people, Mr and Mr Stanford Blatch in a white wedding (which by the way, almost blinded me) with Liza Minnelli as the officiator complete with choir boys singing show tunes? Maybe Miranda was correct, the gay energy was so concentrated in one room, it manifests itself as Liza Minnelli (or in Malaysian case, Kak Nita, drag and real alike). Don’t get me started with the rendition of ‘The Single Ladies’, I now officially hate that song.

The story line was diluted with all the fancy clothes and ‘sort of’ glamour touches with cameos. Where were the girls’ vulnerabilities which by the way were reduced to no more than 10 lines in the whole movie? Where were the signature Carrie’s questions and paradoxes? Where were Miranda’s cynicisms? And my dear Samantha was reduced to be the accompanying sound effects to beautifully sculptured men bums (as if there were many of them). Luckily, Charlotte managed to maintain her integrity as conflicting lady with Jackie O’s sense of style.

There were some good funny moments which lasted no more than 15 seconds each, successfully enough to hold me back from breaking into tears. I hate watching my gals reduced into living mannequins’ rather than real women (and occasional fags) with real issues.

After watching the movie, I rushed back home and got into the shower, hoping able to wash off the bad taste off my skins. I hope the girls will take the vow of silence now and keep the series as the epitome of late 90’s TV phenomenon. I really do.

Expectations/Reality

2010-05-09T13:58:00.000-07:00

Does anyone of you ever feel like watching yourself in a movie where one of you plays the role where everything is perfect and everything is up to where and how you wanted it to be? Then again, from the recordings of your eyes, the reality is not really up the scratch, so to speak. There are many examples such as your first date, instead of good conversation and a kiss on the cheek at the end of the night, you probably end up with a shrug and (if you are lucky) a thank you. Surely that is far removed from ‘happily ever after’ doctrine.

It gets a little bit more intense when you have to deals with the case of the ex(s). Whatever version of the past history tells, whether it was an amicable separation or crisis that required government intervention, there is a slight sinister thought not far off from every party involved of ‘returning the favour’ or the absurd idea of getting back together (not mutually exclusive, mind you).

If the chance ever reveals itself, fortunately/unfortunately, that you meet your ex, you will hope that the situation will be slighted to your advantage. Like other things that are bad for your physical or mental health, your ex will emits such ‘seductive aura’, the thing that stitched you up in the first place. But you know it is bad for you, the instant replay of the inconsiderate things that he had done to you in the past life. Your self – preservation program starts to kick in as you know he is very dangerous. Yet he extends an invitation and intrigue took you over.

On contrary of your expectations which undoubtedly will be crushed like a fly under your shoes, he is happy and he did acquire some level of faith in human – like emotions. Clearly, karma did some works on him but you were never part of karma’s plan of retribution. Expectations clearly are overrated. Reality has never come so swift and hit squarely on your face.

How do you steer clear of expectations? Or how do you minimize the sense of disappointment over unrealised thoughts? Well I have one advice, don’t have any.

Will Schuester, I Hate You

2010-05-03T13:47:00.000-07:00

I am obliged to spread the word that the queerest TV show on earth since Sex and The City (which by the way is coming to the theatre near you May 27th in the form of a sequel), Glee has taken new height with episodes commerating the 80’s in the form of Madge and new boy in town in the form of Jesse St. James (devilishly charming Jonathan Groff). I just cannot get the image of Sue Sylvester wearing cone bras in 3 minutes video remake of Vogue. And tonight, the heart rendering version of ‘A house is not a home’ by Kurt is fantastic.

Clearly a prime time tv show featuring an out gay character (in the form of Kurt Hummel, played by Chris Colfer) and lead female (amazingly annoyingly Rachel) with two dads is commendable, the show doesn’t stop short from exploring (almost clichéd) teen issues like gagging, vanity and relationship (especially Kurt’s infatuation with Finn). Well, I’m not going to talk about that.

Who doesn’t want show that (sometimes tacky) renditions or remakes of 90’s and classic songs in some way make it feel current but the clear show stealer is Ms. Sue Sylvester, a kniving, superbly sarcastic/cynical bitch. I have never seen such character since Joan Collins in Dynasty (that I have seen much of it but know enough to comment). I was going like ‘what the hell just happen’ when Sue uttered the title above in her in her video clip, seriously caught me off guard and the Kurt’s face at that moment is priceless.

Surely in any TV shows or films, people goes by commenting the lead female and male character but the strongest character developed to date is Kurt, the overtly stylish (known to be dressed in Marc Jacob’s and Tom Ford’s finest) and anally dead on schedule on anything and everything from facial regime to his hair style. His take on ‘Single Ladies’ was probably the most watched clip on Youtube and top the most remembered scene of the season (I couldn’t stop laughing seeing that scene). The latest episode sees Kurt getting a solo, Dionne Warwick’s ‘a house is not home’. His love triangle with Finn and Rachel is riveting and when he said that ‘we will always be the last choice’ to Rachel, reminding people like us what has become the standard script.

While my significant other keep on reminding me to get Blue Ray version of the show, I have found myself wanting more drama/music. ‘L’ on the forehead no longer symbolises the obvious but stands for the cool and more tasteful crowd.

Being Average

2010-04-14T13:40:00.000-07:00

I have found out in my twilight years of my 20’s, that I am a little bit like a go – getter, have very little patience for nonsense and slightly workaholic (my significant other can attest to that). I am still working towards my advance degree (which making my hair more grey in colour by the seconds), I could not but to wonder, if I have the courage not to pursue this, would I be comfortable being average? Go to work at 9, go back home around 5, submit work on deadline (never early and seldom late) and gives ideas when and only when needed?

Will I look back in 30 years time, my laid back approach to work and life as a result of a decision I’ve made today was the key to my underachieving but steady and enduring mediocrity? I would bet that I would not die out of hunger (unless 2012 happens) nor will I be in a mansion fit for king (if I ever strike Euromillion jackpot). I probably will be able to pay my mortgages and bills and collect a healthy sum of pension just because I am just too lazy to find other high paying work and go along the ‘natural’ career progression map and yearly increment as if it is a birthright.

So what do you think?

Am I just being plan lazy or overtly modest?

Should I have pushed my limited talents so that I can get to the unimaginable heights? Or is there an assuming dignity in my happy pursuit of laying low on the radar?

I still remember the time that we have report cards or report books that we have to carry home and let our parents read and sign the pages acknowledging the teacher that they have read it. Beside the usual your black/blue or red marks and its associated grade, there was a section where the teacher wrote a psychological assessment on how you were behaving and your interaction with the other kids in your class. If i ever had the pleasure to get ‘lazy’ or ‘pemalas’ on my evaluation, I would take it as a compliment (so I believe) because their criticism would implied that I possessed an equivalent of heroically unfulfilled talent. I wish.

So when people of unassuming appearance with similar CV that can only generate as excitement level of M. Night Shyamalan ‘Lady of the water’ movie tell it my face that they are waiting for the right opportunities to swoop in and steal the limelight with minimal effort. Wow. What a sheer arrogance. And such arrogance can only be afforded by the truly talented.

So you see, I have come to the conclusion that this is a silly, youthful conceited, comic book hero scenario that will never fits well with age. And as the years go by, I have become a firm believer and starts appreciate the nobility and virtue of doing your level best and subsequently, your criteria of what constitutes a hero will change too.

Hujan Who?

2010-03-17T04:11:00.000-07:00

Today is St. Patrick’s Day, so it is a bank holiday. Middle of the week break is always welcome since this month feels like the longest ever. While I am still contemplating whether to go or not to go to work, I came across a quite unusual headline in one particular alternative media (yes, I do read rumor mongering website but when your line work is particularly feeding crap into your head, this is like chicken feed in comparison). I am surprised with the level of progressiveness of article quality (but in retrospective, this author has never produced one decent article which has proper arguments, cynicism has always been his theme, this included too).

I have long time lost touch with Malaysian entertainment scene and I only subscribed to my evergreen favourite local artists like Anuar Zain (gasps!) or Ning (gasps again!!) or Mama Roz (always!!!! and whose talent far surpassed some sell outs out there). So whenever some famous (?) local indie band said something offensive to LGBT community of Malaysia, it just went over my head. But to think that somebody actually have the guts to give some 20 year – olds a queen’s worth of dissing is fantastic. It is a high time that journalists in Malaysia actually writes something worth talking about rather than continuously shoving into everyone’s gap on conspiracy theories or speculations like homos are getting grip into inner political or NGOs circles of both divides by giving sexual favours (I wish it was that easy).

So for this group of chaps called Hujan (I hope somebody can enlightened who is Hujan), your ignorance can be simply explained by saying this ‘empty can clanging sounds sounded better’ (not that I have seen Stomp!).

Ironically, it is our own people that actually like to give our own people the hardest time. We judge like an auto preset function in a car audio system. We slashed people with our acid tongue although the burn is not visible but it does give a long lasting impression. But when some MPs or whoever in the position in power/popularity spews some idiot minded remarks, all of us actually keep quite. I do understand that there are other ways of protesting like not voting (as if we care!) or boycotting (never did that in my life, if it is not fattening, it is okay), hedonism and narcissism still prevails.

The day is getting brighter outside and I have decided to go to work (while I work better under pressure, this is seriously getting out of hand), may I leave my dear readers with something to think, getting a honest day’s worth of pay is far better than listening to some ignorant brats whining.

Their Girlfriend’s Handbag

2010-03-13T15:13:00.000-08:00

I found the new obsession with straight men carrying their girlfriend’s handbag out in the public is perplexing. While I think that man bags (the ‘manlier’ version of bags, I owned several of them) are cool and exceptionally fantastic, I could not conjures up the same feeling with the abovementioned scenario. And apparently it is a global phenomenon; I saw it in London, Belfast and KL. I can sense that they don’t have the slightest idea whether the bag that they carrying it the real ‘Mc Coy’ monogrammed Gucci or their equivalent from Petaling Street, they strut it down the mall like they never strut before.

Let me get this straight, pardon my French, one hand holding a girl’s handbag and another hand holding the girl’s hand (where the handbag should be) does not make you the cool boyfriend. On contrary, it makes you looked like a limp dick, again pardon my French.

Trust me, it is not flattering!

Dial P for Politics

2010-02-07T01:37:00.000-08:00

I cannot speaks on behalf of other people like us on their political allegiance but my decision to support whichever political party has always based on what they can do for education, economics and health care. I have never include my groin factor in the decision making process. I have never care about what or when they would repeal certain archaic section of the law. I would never imagine caring about whether equal rights like right to marry or right to adopt (as if I would like a kid but I would love to have the choice) would be available for everyone.

And I don’t think my stand will change in the near future.

I would like to think that Malaysia has reached the feverish level of progressiveness but the evidences beg to differ. The numbers of political based blogs that I read have dedicated their airtime to acidic tongue lashing (even to my delight, they can be much more entertaining than fully dressed drag queens throwing accusations at each other) about each other rather than trying to make (useful) reasonable points. I don’t even dare to go and point the level of homophobia hate mongers out there. I scoffed to the libertarian ideas like scaling down the governments' size and reduce the public functions to the basic minimum of running schools and hospitals. But I would be mortified if morality police becomes the norm, I still would like to wear my bright coloured Burberry polo shirts.

Sometimes I adores the fact that the people like us has become the society’s open secret, people know it’s there but never dare/care to acknowledge it. And for many, it has been interpreted as privilege. For many years, Malaysian got to know their flamboyant TV chefs whipping sarcastic remarks about how the makcik – makciks dressed up in their TV show sets besides chopping onions. People actually tune to their shows just to see their antics. Not to mention the fact that more than of half, if not more, of the dresses or makeup worn by local celebrities to their glittered award ceremonies made by known akak – akak or adik – adik. Don’t even let me go and dissect the well oiled PR engines and who are responsible for these events.

Over the years, I have seen and read articles by people whom I believed just learned how to write or ‘think critically’ tried to put people like us in the limelight from the existence of rent boys or mak nyahs to frequently visited massage parlours offering ‘side services’, just to disappear in thin air after very short lived debate about it. In my recent visit back to KL, I actually felt like an old relic with the surprising atmosphere of public display of affluent cik gayah's community. The compulsory exercise of giving people a 'once over' if conducted in hot spots like Pavillion will definitely gives you a sprained neck at the end of the day.

To many it may come as a surprise but I am a patriotic person (much to my significant other’s dismay, who continuously coax me to the idea of moving to New Zealand) and I love my country with all of her (many) flaws. Politicians should allow us to dress in whatever manners we want and spend our hard earned money on whatever we want be it over priced latte or designer underwear for us to flash.

Until then, you guys will get my vote.

Things to Look Forward to in 2010

2009-12-20T02:23:00.000-08:00

I woke up this morning with chill in my bones. I looked through the apartment’s window and saw a white landscape. It snowed last night and it covered almost everything but it is not that bad compared to mainland. My first white Xmas. I watched Avatar the day before and it was jaw dropping. Sam Worthington is one hot paraplegic. I do wonder if his dick is still working.

2009 is drawing to a close and I will look forward of not remembering the year that has been such an emotional rollercoaster. I remember the day that I had some sort of ‘breakthrough moment’ and said enough to myself and walked out from the laboratory. I do remember the trip I took to Australia and had the time of my life. I still can’t get of my fear of height which I found to be ironic since I used to work on offshore oil platforms. My significant other and I adopted one female kitten last May and gave her the name Erin Volgie Shah to signify that she is half Irish. Now she has grown into a force to be reckoned with. She bullied my older Beau and she bullied her grandparents too. Finally, we bought another house, a bigger house for a bigger family.

So what can 2010 brings for me? Few things actually.

1. Moving back to Malaysia – this is my final year here and I will be repatriated back by year end. I foresee intense months ahead with thesis writing and engagement sessions. I am looking forward to be in KL’s infamous traffic jam and thunder storms. I am looking forward to waking up in the new house and feeding the kids again. Fantastic.

2. January – There will be no New Year resolution as I am content with my usual snide and sarcastic remarks. Everybody looking forward to January as if it is their milestone to start anew.

3. My trip back to Malaysia – I decided to escape the winter for few weeks. Looking forward celebrating new year. To those who have promised me a new year party make it happen!

So this is my last post for 2009. May I wish you all Merry Xmas and Happy New Year!

Oh, You Are so Naughty, Grandma!

2009-12-05T16:24:00.000-08:00

Christmas is in the air.

So along with the hordes of Christmas shoppers looking for bargain, I too decided to get into the festive mood. I was a little bit depressed so what could make me feel a little bit better than to do a little bit of shopping. In addition to that, I have to do a market survey on baby clothing (which by the way is not mine, I’m doing this as a favour) or more precisely baby Gaps. So I make my way to the only outlet in Castlecourt. So I looked around, experienced a slight panic attack, made couple of desperate calls to Malaysia and finally I decided to take pictures rather than buy some really expensive baby clothes.

But that is not the story that I want to tell you.

I made a detour to Debenhams, just to satisfy my cravings for some potential shopping bargains. After browsing through really disappointing selections of John Rocha’s and other in house labels, I suddenly remembered my equally disappointing underwear collection that has suffered a long neglect from me.

So I said to myself ‘there must be some bargains on the overpriced underwear’.

As I strumming through the Calvin Klein underwear boxes, searching for underwear of my fancy, I was interrupted by a voice behind me asking how I am doing. I turned around, nonchalantly, just to say to the owner of the voice that I am doing just fine until the point that he interrupted my concentration. And suddenly, I was greeted by this manifestation of an equivalent of a blond Greek god that must have been no less than 6 feet 2 inches tall. So as I am a 5 feet 6 inches tall Asian, my eyes fell directly onto his perfectly shaped, slightly tanned bare chest and equally impressing midriff. I looked up and saw his boyish face, complete with deep dimples. This is what I called, perfect human specimen.

He posed the same question to me, ‘will you be interested with the new selection of underwear by George Best?’

I wasn’t even sure whether I answered him correctly but I do remember of a slurred or stammered speech actions.

And he continued to smile even wider and (which I think) asked me the same question again.

I snapped from my hallucination (and drooling face expression) and politely declined his proposition and said ‘I would like to continue to look around’

‘Okay, if you ever change your mind, I will be around’

Again I had the pleasure his beautiful tattooed back and his perfectly sculptured bum which is modestly covered by a white pair of George Best trunks. I mean now is bloody winter and I am here covered with layers of clothes and this guy is walking around the shop practically naked. He went on approaching two older ladies besides me.

And then that happened. I heard the most unexpected and damndest thing that ever come out from a 70 years old granny.

‘Would you like to bring this young man home as a Christmas present dear?’ She was offering to her, presumably, granddaughter. The old lady has the most innocent expression on her face that truly made you believed that she WAS really offering that man to her granddaughter as a gift. I broke a loud chuckle and the beautiful man too grinned even wider. I can’t even believe that granny has the cheek to ask that. I had to go to another end of the section just to make sure that I did not break into a full blown laughter.

I spent another 10 minutes before I decided to try my luck at another place. I saw him coming towards me and carved that drop dead gorgeous smile of his. He asked me again whether I am interested with the trunks. I said no. Again.

And I continued smiling for the rest of day even though I spent GBP 100 on knitwears that I will probably wear once or twice for the remaining months of my last winter here.

The Ultimate Fag Myth

2009-11-17T12:59:00.001-08:00

I first heard about the A – Gays when I was 18 or 19 (which is not that long ago, mind you). They are group of financially sound and higher caste homosexuals who owns that desirable penthouse or detached house with the desirable addresses. They throw fabulous dinner parties with fabulous foods and fabulous designer labels into the wee hours of the weekend. To add fuel to the myth, the club membership to this close knit group of people apparently is only by invitation, if and only if you have leave an impressionable mark (impressionable being the operative work) on the society or married or fucked one of them. And that time, I want to be one of them.

But the most pressing question is do they exist? Where can I get the ticket or access to the inner sanctum of gay royalty?

I can’t probably recall the last time I’ve seen them nor have I ever see them. The recording of Loch Ness monster’s sighting must have even more polished data than this group of people. But my significant other once told me that he had several encounter with them, he even got invited to one of their parties. He said it was dry and horribly sedated. It must be not his cup of coffee (at that time that is).

I can only imagine what was going on in his mind. The enormous penthouse filled with middle aged men with their tricks of the day which composed of the new actor talents or models of the day. This was THE place to be and to be seen in. And not to mentioned, a token or two straight couples which awfully more camp than the others. The 22 year olds stick together with cautious flirting going on as not to offend the host (or hostess). People exchanging cards as most of the patron must be a partner in some ad agency or production house execs in exchange of small favors, true to what the saying goes, ‘in order to get ahead is to give a head’.

As I breezed through my life, I haven’t got any nearer to my goal. Nevertheless, as far as I am concern, I have collected a group of friends who understand my needs and qualms. It is far better that rubbing shoulder with the who’s who of the society. It is not that I need any of their social skills. But the bigger prize is my significant other and the life that we have built over five years.

And I am proud to say that is not a myth.

The Next Hot Thing?

2009-11-15T12:23:00.000-08:00

Whatever the title of this post may or may not invokes lost memories of your first crush(es), that is not my intention. I was browsing through the latest copy of Vogue Hommes International, suddenly my flipping action came to a standstill when I came across whole page of editorial dedicated to the next big thing in men’s fashion. After the onslaught of men bags, from totes (or shoppers bag), small duffels or messenger bag, which had a huge impact on the European high street and even more bigger impact in Asia, the next feminine accessories undergoing ‘the man treatment’ is clutches. Yes people, the MEN CLUTCHES or POCHETTES have arrived and are here to stay (at least for the next two seasons).

So by looking at the picture, will it become fashionable or another fashion faux pas?

The yuppies or metrosexuals or even the homosexuals have been identified as the fashion industry untapped gold mine. With men’s taste getting more sophisticated and more adventurous with colour and style of whatever hanging over their shoulder or hands, the aesthetic value have never surpassed practicality. Men bags, often than not, are practical and seriously useful. After years of stuffing everything into our pant’s pocket, creating unsightly bulges (not the ‘good’ bulges, if you get my drift) and compromising comfort, I swear on my LV, it is in-built in men’s gene. Now, with men bags, people can hide everything from netbooks to condoms.

Every luxury brands have produced their version of men clutches. It is (slightly) like women clutches but often slightly bigger, almost like your paper folder. There are some smaller design from Hermes and Gucci but there are high end brands’ version (those names unheard in Malaysia) which looked like those bags that comes together with ‘kain pelikat’ (if you ever bought one and often and not, becomes Pak Imam’s standard accessory for carrying those rokok gulung and tithe money). It is extremely unflattering.

I found the resemblance is uncanny. I grew up watching old rural folks carrying their version of pochette long before it receives it’s 2010 glamorous makeover. I do believe it meant to serve similar purpose of carrying your small knick knacks. I can’t help but to wonder, did one of their creative directors took a detour to some kampongs and pick up the trend?

I still don’t have a decent verdict on this. I mean, it can come and go like cone bras or bunny beanies but I am intrigued. Some of the designs on the runways are good and constructed from serious materials like calf skin leathers and never-out-of-style monogrammed patterns. I have yet to see my favourite brand, which is Burberry, to come up with their own version. I refused to believe that Christopher Bailey would take on a rain check on this.

Although I have been bombarded with queries from friends back home on how to get their hands on one, let me say this to you, it is yet to be released for sale online or in-store, so please save your money and hold until the next season starts. Will I be caught (dead) with any version of man clutch or pochette any time now? I can safely says no. But like what Frasier always says, ‘it is not unfashionable, it is just European’

Sex and The 'Green' City

2009-11-09T10:39:00.000-08:00

I read one funny article in the Time recently suggesting that 'Green Revolution' has now invaded our sex life. On daily basis, we have been bombarded with apocalyptic premonitions of the world will end if we don't drive less, if we continue to party till wee hours of the day or if we continue to support the meat industry. It is even worse here in the West when you need to 'carbon footprint' all aspects of your life. I tried converting to 'organic' diet but it does have a deep impact to my financial health rather my overall health.

So with everybody is pitching in to help the planet, why we need to go 'green' when it comes to sex? The question is 'why bother'?

So I went online and did some research. Apparently, if you go into a sex shop and browse through their large (and highly imaginative) selection of sex toys of dildoes and leather whips, the whole life cyle of these products may add a potential one ton of carbon dioxide equivalent per item. I mean that is staggering. And those KY jelly or flavoured condoms or 'heat' pleasure lubricant contains dairy protein and chemicals commonly found in antifreeze and refrigerator. So while you and me were having orgasm, the planet is suffering, causing 1/100000 cm rise of sea level from all the lubricant and condom. And all of us had many (many!!!) orgasms and many more in the future.

These statements probably bonkers touted by the eco warriors. But the sales of eco-friendly sex toys and lubricants are increasing. Now you can buy protein free condoms and organic lubricants (you might not tell the difference). Dildos made out from stainless steel (that is cold but safe from the risk from breaking due to rough sex) and glass (can't imagine when that does break in places you don't want it to break) are the 'in' things. People now wants high quality, renewables materials that they know will lasts.

The most interesting thing I found in one of the reports that if people reproduces less, the chances are we will take out potential billions of carbon dioxide out to the atmosphere. So now we know, we are contributing to the well being of the planet. We don't reproduce, we just enjoy the process in our own way.

On that note, Trojan now produces latex condoms and lambskins version too. Other brands also produces vegan variety with the dairy protein is replaced with cocoa powder. I would safely says that it must not taste like chocolate

We Are Sum of Our Decisions

2009-10-27T04:08:00.000-07:00

I have to keep reminding myself every single day that I am what I am today and in the future is a direct result of my decisions for the past 20 over years and every day following today. It is a pity that most of us took for granted and often take the easy way out of blaming circumstancial events on the outcomes. Clearly, when emotions are running high, our judgement becomes impaired and vicious cycle begins to rear its ugly head.

The amount of desicions that we make everyday, whether at work or at home, is staggering. If i were to fancy a sandwich at Subway, a minimum of 5 decisions I need to make just to get my sandwich. Do I want a 6 inches or a footer (a no brainer right?)? Or What kind of cheese I want? Or What kind of bread I want (6 to choose from)?, What kind of salad topping would I like? and Do you want any sauce to go with it? What a dilemma! I have to rehearse my answers just to make sure that I would not get astray with choices.

It may sounds petty to some of us but consider this, if choices are to be made, how do I know that I've made the right one?

For once, I used to cringe to the thought of having to change job or even envy them for the courage to just flip and move on with chasing their dreams. Some of my friends that I know hop between jobs on yearly basis and sometimes have gap months in between. But now, having gap months in between of assignments really looking good (I almost salivate when i'm writing this). But then again, reality hits as more desicions need to be made. What about mortgage? How do I support myself, my significant other and my two cats? or the most important, what the hell I'm going to do with all of this free time?

Same goes with relationship. People seems to be oblivious to the fact that when people gets into a relationship, it is not about that single person anymore. There will be another person need to be accountable too. I hate to point the obvious with people like us, we cannot shed selfishness out of ourselves. When we chose not to reply all of those text messages or return phonecalls, have we ever think that we might create a precedence to the potential outcome(s)? What actually influence our desicions, is it age/maturity or the will of wanting it?

I am assured that up till now with my considerable wisdoms and intellects (haha!), I do sometimes requires some help with the things that I want. That's where lies the importance of people like your significant other and friends to be your check and balance, not just some sycophants.

We may laments on our past mistakes, I think it is just part of growing up!

La Patisserie

2009-10-25T05:32:00.000-07:00

I love Masterchef. With the this year's season has ended officially last week, I am surprised with the urge of wanting more. Watching (sometimes hot) chefs creating delectable michelin starred - dishes from the most unpromising ingredients is sight to behold. I mean nobody would like to see monk fish in its real physical form but the meatiness of the flesh is simply divine especially when it is simply pan fried and doused with salty caper and butter sauce (which i had the chance to sample at Deane's).

Great chefs like Alan Ducasse, Michel Bras or Ferran Adria (maybe sometime Gordon Ramsay) have in common is that although it is a well known fact they can cook the usual stuff, they also a revered patisserie. And they said that you can be a good cook, you might not be the best pastry chef but not vice versa. Interesting, I said. I guess it is true like the case Katrina Zeta Joned of Shah Alam is an accomplished cook but also a good pastry chef as I still remember those delectable danish pastries that she brought home eveyday while she was working in a hotel. So I sought out to prove that I, too, can be a good pastry maker or the very least, a good baker. So I went to Argos, bought myself a good mixer, food processor and some other baking accessories.

So I decided to make two simple but quite technical pastries over a period of time. I decide to make profiteroles, from the basic choux pastry mixture and malted chocolate fudge cake. Choux pastry is great, I mean, you can make the usual profiteroles and eclairs but also you can fashioned fancy cream filled bun of your choice. The only extra thing you need is a piping bag. Only imaginations limit you. My profiteroles were of a limited success. Some came out okay but some became flat because of the extra moisture from the eggs. But the true test is the taste and it taste absolutely good. Ok, not so bad.

My first attempt at making chocolate fudge cake turned out to be okay. I mean I got the filling mixture right and the cake also came out moist. I only ate one piece and gave the other 11 cuts to my colleagues with their seal of approval high up in the air. Ecstatic with the result, I set out myself a challenge. For the upcoming open house (co hosted by me of course) for the Malaysians here, I would bake 8 identical cakes. With every cake requires 4 different steps from mixing, baking, making and piping the filling and decorations, I underestimated the amount of works needed.

The baking started 2 days before the event. I can only make double batter at one time and also my oven can only fit two cake tray at one time which I happened to learn that it have different temperature range across the oven. The one at the bottom will always requires 10 more minutes than the one on top to get the same level of cooking. So the first batch, only one came out satisfactorily. 2 done (well, only one can be used), 6 more to go.

My kitchen slowly became something from one of the many scenes of Braveheart's battles. Worktop covered in flour and batter. Garbage bin fast piling up with eggshells and food packaging. I started cursing myself, 'me and my big mouth'. By end of the night, I got the 7 cakes done, right there on the cooling rack, ready for the next processes. The next day, I started early by making the filling and the chocolate icing. I finished decorating the cake approximately one o'clock in the morning. I was tired and I fall asleep with some of the icing still in my hair.

But the cakes were an instant hit, everything were gone by the end of the event. The kids love it and I didn't taste any because I'm afraid of getting sick. I vowed that I will never again make these many cakes because I hate cleaning. Now I understand why a fully functioning kitchen have commis or sous chefs. Somebody needs to do the cleaning.

My Julia Roberts Syndrome

2009-10-10T03:49:00.000-07:00

I am a little bit pissed! I was supposed to spend my weekend in London with the usual suspects since one of them will be leaving UK very soon until a paralysing autumnal fever hits me. I was bedridden for the full 3 days and has yet to recover. So much for planned shopping trip for a Bally bag. In that 3 days of constant changing equilibrium of conciousness and unconciousness due to strong liquid Lemsip, I found that TV can be so irritating especially whenever X factor is on air. So I turned to my book and immersed myself in the alternate reality of P - town.

Again with my limited brain power, I would imagine with bouts of physical diseases threatening the mere existance of human race, why do I feel that we, especially people like us, haven't addressed the full impact of our mental disease, namely, our fear of commitment or Julia Roberts syndrome.

So what Julia Roberts got to do with this?

We all know Julia Roberts as the great American beauty with infectious laugh and strong character. So we all want someone like Julia Roberts in our life (not as a lady - please I do not eat pussy, metaphorically) to cover or hide our own endless list of shortcomings.

I do understand the low barrier entry requirement and laissez faire attitude that most of us adopt towards relationship, unfortunately we too have similar attitude towards breaking up or fidelity. I do sometimes listen to people complaining how they get older by year (only GBP 500 worth of La Mer products can allow them to cheat their age) and yet to have one stable, uncomplicated relationship. But should I care? As I know for a fact that all these symptoms relate to our inability to understand best case scenario for people like us to actually have a relationship or even misplaced optimism that someone better might be waiting for you somewhere out there.

What if there is nobody out there, singlehandedly, waiting for you? Would that be your worst case scenario?

The September Issue

2009-09-25T13:09:00.000-07:00

When I first read about The Devil Wears Prada few years back, way before the film was released, I have no idea who is Miranda Priestly. The character, the woman and the exuberance she exudes. So they said that she is an projection of a real life character named Anna Wintour, the most pwerful woman in the 300 billion dollar industry. Anna Wintour become the brand synonymous with Vogue.

Anna is Vogue. Vogue is Anna.

So when I heard about a full length documentary about Anna and the making of Vogue's (insanely famous) September Issue, I put an order on Amazon.co.uk faster that you can spell Sienna Miller. By the way, Vogue's September Issue is literally heavy, it must have weight up to five pounds. I bought one in the name of research, along with GQ Style, Esquire and Time Style. September is the January of fashion.

I watched the woman, remarkably composed with her trademark bob cut hair and large black glasses, scrutinising the model on the catwalk. I understand why she wears one, she doesn't want people to see whether she is paying attention to the creation of the moment or simply rolling her eyes. Designers are scrambling to please her, making pitch way before the fashion months to make sure their visions are parallel to hers. Designers like Oscar de la Renta or Karl Lagerfeld are making notes of her facial expression. The resemblance of Miranda Priestly and Anna Wintour is uncanny. Anna turned her face away when she did not like a design.

Grace Coddington is the force behind Vogue's vision. An old fashioned stylist as she still dress her model personally and oversee the photo shoot herself, she is a visionary and an artist. More than all, she is Anna's confidante.

Andre Leon Talley, the other editor-at-large is the sparring partner which often debates on style and what next in a year on. I hate him. When he go for a tennis practice, he wears a 60's Piaget diamond encrusted watch, LV towel and LV monogrammed utility boxes for his energy drinks, shades and other tid bits. I hate him.

Ironically, the documentary humanizes Anna Wintour. She did not do her snides and sarcastic remarks because she wanted to. She did it because she has a strong work ethic and visions on what the world should wear. I bought Versace patent leather boots because I saw it in L'uomo Vogue with extra remark of 'great' on the caption. That is a mark of confidence that editor-at-large for certain remarkable pieces of the season.

I wasn't dissapointed. And word of wisdom, "nobody in the real world is perfect but models are"

Gay Cliches Are Universal

2009-09-19T11:23:00.000-07:00

I found out that after getting to know (and dated a few) some colourful real life people like us of different race and nationalities, reading so many gay fictions and gay arthouse movies from every possible nations of the world, I have made a startling conclusion: regardless of what nation you from and language you speak, if you a fag, you most likely have experienced gay cliches: a tired but most real behaviours that are associated with people like us, both conciously and unconciously. So I list down some of the gay cliches that all of us shares (and so I proclaim that nobody got hurt while in the making of this post).

1. We're all possessed the sixth sense - Or most commonly known as gay radar or gaydar. It has been said that all of us can read the eye movement and body languange of a person that might suggest they are one of us. In different country and settings, whether a road side cafe in the famous watering hole of Star Hill or outside a bar in SoHo and souvenir shop in West Hollywood, we all can get a short electrocution when people checking you out. We suddenly becomes more self concious in a split of a second and blushes away, hoping the person comes out to you and says hi. That almost never happens and wishful thinking at its best.

2. We're all have good taste and eyes for designs - Or at least those people I know of. Just go to Ikea in any part of the world whether it is in Wembley or Ikano Power Centre especially on weekend, more than half of the patron would people like us. Their heads are buzzing with ideas for their house, quickly churning design concepts one after another just by speed reading through the catalog. It is just mind boggling. Same goes with dressing up, straight men are clueless when it comes to putting out a look. People like us can beat them anytime of the day with closed eyes.

3. We're all camp - At some level, we might exhibits some level of feminism and it usually get worse when holiday seasons approaching or it is the week when the final of a singing reality show will be aired (live). That is not entirely true, I've known few gay guys that are more butch that can easily make any straight (wimp) men cry. Gay guys and gals included, not only comes in all sizes and shapes but also mannerism that defy the cliched handbook of queer spotting. Believe me when I says that there is no factory in Blue Boy churning us like mannequins.

4. We're all party people - Oh god, I still remember the days that I can fit into that shiny skinny jeans and head out to the city streets and danced my heads off to the tune of the day. Even more when we had the honor to grace the stage and show off our dancing skills into the wee hours of the night. By saying that, I have a small splinter band of friends who dislikes going out to party but opt for a movie and late night supper. Getting judged on the dancefloor is not the thing for them and bless them for that because nothing is much cliche than that. Occasionally, I did enjoy talking rather than booty shaking.

5. We're all make funny noices when we have sex - We do, I heard all kind of outrageous sounds and phrases. Imagine that you have to sleep next to your friend getting jiggy with it. Instead of counting sheeps, you count the bopping head actions to sleep. I still have trouble sleeping at nights.

6. We all love drag queens - Well, we did. They were such icons in the 80's and maybe the 90's when they were such a cultural icons let it be in Roppongi, Clarke Quay or Central Market. But now, any self respecting gay boy will not have the face of Ru Paul plastered all over his bedroom wall. Still, we like to listen to that acidic tounge cracking out a bitchy one-liner.

After all of these relevations, we still can be a gay man but still maintain a slight individuality and all of my friends are nothing close to a cliche, they are fabulous as what they are now. And in my heart, 'ai shiteru' or 'hubi' or 'je t'aime' still means 'I love you'.

Life is Just a Drag

2009-09-09T12:17:00.000-07:00

What happens when you put together nine aspiring drag superstars plus another reigning drag super queen in one room?

A lot of bitching and cat fight (meoww) in a really entertaining TV show apparently!

Autumn now is in the air and with the usual seasonal chores of cleaning up your boiler, stuffing all of your summer clothes into the vacuum bags and airing all the wools and knitwears, the tv is packed with new (and good) tv shows. RuPaul's Drag Race is one of it currently airing on the E4. E4 aired the pilot last night and I had the most ridiculous laugh watching some drags getting drenched in a photo shoot. You got limp wigs, nasty mascara lines across the face and nasty visible bulges!

RuPaul picked nine aspiring drags from all over the states and offered them a central spread in a magazine, some cash and the oppurtinity to be the centre of attention of pride parades all over the US. So you've got a mix of young and slightly older drag queens of different descendants (white, african american, latino and asians) with quirky names like Shannell, Ongina and Bebe Zahara Benet. I wouldn't expect less of them as drags without catchy, stuck - to - your - head names are like handicapped paraplegic.

One of the aspiring drag superstar, Nina Flowess certainly is the stand out. She has this punk look, like Pink plus Britney Spears on a good night of one tequila shot too much, with peacock blond like hair. She is one amazing queen. In 'dude' form, she transformed into this guy with full body tattoo. Amazing!

The show definitely copied some aspects from the ever popular Project Runway and America's Nest Top Model where all the drags subjected to tasks like sewing your most outrageous frocks from craps and do catwalk in front of the judges but in drag's way, OTT (over the top) and excessive. But the catch is before any of them get voted out by the judges (by the way RuPaul dressed amazingly with five inches tall blond hair and seven inches heels), the bottom two have to do a lip sync to the gayest tunes like Toxic and Supermodels to save their asses. I mean how outrageous is that? Put together drag queens, evergreen show tunes and lip syncing, you actually get KL's Saturday night in Blue Bar or La Queens, I love it!

Watching them transformed themselves from 'dude' form to drag mode made me looking back at times when I have to wait for my friends doing the same things. Hours spent in front of the mirrors applying all those eyeshadows and foundations to get that smoky eyes look, sharper definition of cheeks and longer eyelashes can really test my patience at times. The thing is I have never been short of amazed with the transformation, they looked amazing. But they can't change their voice, too bad! (Burp~~! Alhamdulillah --- Gabby style). The girls even hired them to do their makeup for prom nights. Extra money for that extra eyeshadow colors!

I can't wait to see who will win the show but I have a warm feeling who will be the winner. Youtube must have this show's clips, try search 'Rupaul's Drag Race'.

Just to quote RuPaul, 'work it and don't fucked it'

Love at The First Sight

2009-09-05T10:41:00.000-07:00

Bonjour monsieur,

Comment ca va?

Excusez moi, je ne parle pas bien francais, vous vous parlez anglais?

Ahh.... c'est bien.

Have we meet before?

I'm sure I know you from somewhere, where do you live? I'm sure I've seen you before

I'm not sure but I feel that I've seen you before. You look like a mystical guy

(Uneasy laugh) I'm into this kind of stuff, you really have a special aura

C'est comme ca, I don't know, it is a strong and weird feeling. So I thought that if i don't to you before I go, I'd be missing on something important

Beautiful, c'est tres belle

I didn't want to miss the chance to talk to you. I know it sounds dumb but ....

Do you believe in soul mate? Finding your other half?

I'd really like to talk to you and if you call me to talk more seriously and longer especially

I've got to go

Merci beaucoup monsieur

Au revoir et a tout a l'heure.

ASL Please

2009-08-23T15:19:00.000-07:00

Ten years ago, I’ve told myself that I will get on with it and embrace what the ‘scene’ can offers me. Everything was new to me, but after gaining some level of confidence in the form of Ketua Pramugari (*read cik sal) and old Mini owner, Bosh, I learned about the world that eluded me due to where I was before. Among the infectious conversations (and enlightening), usually over hot teh tarik and Maggie goreng, Cik Sal told me about the wonders of internet and MIRC chat rooms. There were no craps like Facebook or Myspace, blogs and M2M (hope I’ve got that right) back then, internet at that time was personal, liberating and often limitless.

I still remember the huge number of chat rooms available on the MIRC, catered to every segment of the society. The popular ones at any time contained a minimum of 200 people at one time and usually grow to more than 800 on the weekends and public holidays. To those who are new to the ‘scene’ usually struggles to find the perfect (and often catchy) nickname to attract fellow chatters and subsequently try to land the ‘good catch’. The first 10 names on the chatters’ list were thought to be the ‘in’ people and to be conferred the role of a moderator, at that point of time, was the ultimate dream, especially the big and popular channels.

So when you successfully summed up enough courage to chat up a person whom you thought to be interesting (it was still a daunting prospect even you don’t have to face up the person himself), after changing the (sometime optional) pleasantries, the following question usually will be ‘asl pls’ which stands for ‘age, sex, location please’. Back then, that was the deal breaker question and the longevity of the chatting process was heavily depends on the response. The younger you are, the better it is. The closer you are, the better it is (for obvious reasons). I didn’t get the sex part of the question because of the obvious nature of the chat rooms. Then it evolved to another additional ‘r’ for race and ‘t/b’ for top or bottom. Every time that question came up, I felt I was given a 3 seconds ‘once over’. Even then, it was hard to be politically correct.

Over time, more standard questions started to follow like ‘student ke kerja?’ which literally means if you are a student, you will be instantaneously labeled as ‘gold digger’ or poor or sex for an exchange of one date or even naïve. If your answer is ‘kerja’, you potentially a ‘gold pot’ or easy ride to the clubs. Then predictably ‘got pic?’ to get the deal sealed. You need to see the merchandise before you buy anything, don’t you? It became the standard questionnaire. It get so creative, you only have to do a single finger manouvre (which I can’t remember how now) to automatically type the answers since it can get very tiring to type that over and over again. Imagine 15 private chats in 3 minutes. It must be a world record of sort.

Back then, people went into chat room to find friends, a quick nookie, potential boyfriends or partners or love but more often it was a sense of belonging and common grounds. Everybody got their story of rejections and first hand experience of shallow treatments. Real world can be very tough. I met majority of my (ex) partners online. I met my current partner from a chat room too five years ago as a result of frisky weekend and ‘not wanting to be alone watching movie at the theatre’ syndrome. Who would’ve thought we still are going strong until today.

I don’t know what happened to these chat rooms. They were instrumental to my generation as a tool of sexual liberation and self identity. From what I have gathered now, everybody has move on to more sophisticated online tools that I haven’t heard of and probably will never find the use for it. Being 28 sounds very mature now.

So would Med^Wizard and Rubah^Pink haunt the chat rooms and other internet means again? I don’t think so, we had our laugh and it’s time to move on.

Ahoy Sailors!

2009-08-16T01:29:00.000-07:00

August started with a full blown pride parade. The high streets were filled with people like us, holding hands and much affairs of public display of affections were abundant. People were carrying placards by Amnesty International, chanting "love is a basic human right". How romantic!

There were a lot of proud (and beautiful) people on the streets. So there must be some truth that all the good genes are pooled in the gay people. You must have heard 'all the beautiful women are taken, all the beautiful men are gay, so what's left?' True indeed.

At this moment Lady Gaga's Poker Face was playing

This weekend, the town is the host of one of the most exciting events in years. Tall ships (huge humongous yacht and sail boats to you and me) from all over the world. The town is the last call of port to be hosting the Atlantic Challenge. Most of the ships are owned by the Royal Navy of the respected countries, so expect navy sailors! I had the most pleasurable saturday afternoon, looking at these ships and people, not to mention horrible sore feet.

Pelican of London

HMS Bounty from USA

The pride of Brazilian Royal Navy, Cisne Branco

Tall ship from Argentina

Tall ships across the lagan

Cute sailor's trainees on one of the ships (khas untuk Apau)

The great tall ships across the lagan

I guess I wont be able to enjoy this in the near future since the Atlantic Challenge only happens once in 8 years. But enjoy I did.

Material Abstinence

2009-07-26T04:15:00.000-07:00

I just finished watching a talk show, among others, discussing about giving up all the physical things you have and supressed the need to own or have and nurture the need to survive based on your basic necessities. This successful artist will sell all of his belongings and keep the bare minimum like clothes and foods (he then added that he might go for a 3 months holiday with the proceeds of his sale, how ironic is that?). In the world where (especially my generation of people) we value tangible assets as a measure of success like bigger cars, the number or properties with fancy addresses and what not, hedonism seems to be another faith we embraced since the day we were born.

While many might argue this puritan view have a theological origin but I can't help to wonder, is downsizing is good for the soul?

Many blamed the advent of consumerisme and excessive spending (credit culture) as the sole reason of why this round of economic crisis happened. There is a sliver of truth to this argument. Many of us ended up with a job we don't really like, we brigs home a paycheck at the end of the month and after deducting the compulsory credit obligations, what usually happens to the surplus (if there is any), we splurge ourselves with a fancy dinner and designer bold printed knickers. Well it is understandable that we want to make the most out of our horrid life, but how many fancy underwear do we need in a lifetime?. Hey, I am all out there for spending and pumping money into the local economy, so does the urge to splurge is justifiable?

Gay people are even more susceptible to this. I think the whole gay population in UK is responsible for the two third of consumer spending alone(and more than half of Selfridges' summer sale). Coupled together with our extroverted pervasionto judge on how and what people wear, the pressure is enormous just to keep up. We continously buy stuffs or clothes that we end up wearing once and become the relic of our closet the next day (or evidence of how bad your taste in clothes). I pleaded guilty.

This romantization view of going back to the time of our parents or grandparents when the three meals in day is enough and new clothes are reserved for festive season is misleading. I have no problem on cleaning up and giving up things that you can't even remember the last time you used it, somebody outside your home might have a greater use for it but when it comes to the idea of getting something back in returned is ridiculous. The process of cleaning up the soul from the evidence of consumerisme gone haywire, the least that anybody can do is to try to some good.

In the future, I might consider a smaller car and spends a little bit less on clothes. It would be easier for me to make a decision on what to wear so early in the morning. But don't get your hopes up that I will give up my shoes. That is not a compromise.

p/s: I have been invited to be a regular columnist for corporate periodicals, as I will be specializing in contemporary journalism and science related issues, so my creative juices will go somewhere besides this blog. I am sorry for the lack of update (especially on the heavy gayish issues)

Summer Summer Summer

2009-07-15T04:26:00.000-07:00

This year’s summer is great. Great warm, slightly more humid summer’s weather, coupled with great seasonal foods. Everything moves at a slower pace. The office is slightly quieter and moves at a slower space than usual since the undergraduates are off for their summer holidays. I did enjoy Belfast a little bit more.

As usual, July is the month when Union Jacks get put up everywhere and my time to go to London for the long weekend and compulsory shopping trip (summer sale is in full swing, mind you). London is great like usual. We had good food at different restaurant, I really enjoyed Busaba and Cha Cha Mooli. Abercrombie & Fitch store in Saville Row is amazing, almost like a porn shop with half naked men walking around, an eye candy indeed. For the first time in many years, I celebrated my birthday with Kay and Weng Hong, complete with Tiramisu and drinks in the ever festive SoHo area of London.

Seriously, the one line of conversation that stuck with me until now is the one that i had with Weng Hong.

"I am xx years old now and what have i achieved now?"

"and definitely, in few more years i have to tick a different box, a different box altogether"

Fuck it!

Tribute to Michael Jackson near Apollo Theater

Thanks to everybody who sent me good wishes (especially yg hantar msg tak mengira masa termasuk lah pepagi buta). And thanks to Kay and Weng Hong for the accommodation and company and cK bag (loved it!!).

On Another Jet Plane, Don’t Know When I’ll Back Again

2009-06-09T06:23:00.000-07:00

At this moment, sitting alone in MAS Golden Lounge with all – you – can – eat – buffet and frequent travelers, my heart sink to oblivion after saying goodbyes to my significant other and Cik Sal.

‘You don’t have to send me off, I’ll walk from here, Cik Sal will be coming here any minute, I will not be alone’

Silence.

I was afraid I will not be able to step off the ledge. Every single time, people just can’t imagine how difficult it is just to say goodbye over and over again. Since morning, I received texts bidding farewell and safe journey which I wished I had the choice not to read because it just too hard.

But my journey back has not been in vain. I managed to say hi to everybody and have gifts, just to console myself that I will be (a small) part of their life whether they are busy pursuing career and love. I got the chance to be able to see one of my best girlfriend bid farewell to her bachelorhood with love of her life. It is just an assurance that everybody can find or pursue love and happiness in the city filled with single minded people.

I wished her all the best and many happy returns.

I got to see the new addition to my family. Erin will be joining her older (cranky) brother, Beau in one week time. She needs to go to the vet for full health screening. Again, I felt guilty for not be able to nurse her and leave the burden to my significant other.

To Cik Sal, terima kasih sebab temankan and for sending me off dekat KLIA. Cik Sal datang all the way from Lukut (melukut tepi gantang) just to have coffee with me. Terima kasih again.

To Daia, Nieta, Fira, Apau. Cik Dih, Eug, Izu, Fira, Sasha, Jesz, Katong and fiancée, Jept (for Erin), Jai Maddox and Mommy Rozz (for talking to me over the phone), the mere word of thanks would not even compare for the warmth that I’ve received over my stay.

Love you to bits.

Regards
ASH

Kuranda Adventure

2009-05-30T02:31:00.000-07:00

I woke up with a sheer determination to get around Cairns today. We've paid a good AUD 92.50 (approx. GBP 45) for a round trip on a scenic train and come back to the city centre using a sky train (cable car to you and me). I had the chance to take a picture with a cuddly koala named Princess and played around with few wallabies. Few pictures to make you guys swear to me with envy. I can only put in few pictures, there are many more from where these came from.

Kuranda Scenic Train

Kuranda Sky Train

Kuranda Pit Stop

Kuranda Street Market

In Down Under

2009-05-29T02:48:00.000-07:00

So I am now in Cairns, just after midday after taking a red eye flight from Kuala Lumpur. The weather was great, almost like Malaysia, minus the humidity of course. If it is like KL, it would be unbearable. Tomorrow, i will be in Karunda, Australian version of something that KL doesnt have.

The Wharf

View from my hotel room

The Yacht Club

View from the car

Hello There Mate!

2009-05-20T23:01:00.000-07:00

Ladies and Gentlemen,

“You are now boarding Malaysia Airlines MH 1, bound for Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. This flight will take approximately 13 and half hours. Please sit back and enjoy the flight.”

One guy is still trying to get his iPod out and stuff his jacket into the Gucci bag which contains new monogram loafer which is destined to collect extra Enrich Gold mileages on this stretch of flight alone than the whole of his first year worth of traveling combined. The guy is me. I’m coming back home (not for good).

Although this time around, it is not a leisure trip back home, I’ve got only one free day before flying off (again) to Cairns, Australia. But the idea of being able to see my significant other again after 4 months is beyond compare but I think he will grab my bag before me. The bag contains Cadbury Flakes.

My hold baggage is packed but only 40 percent of its contents are mine. I’ve got great surprises for my friends back home, they will (literally) salivating over the gift(s). But my thoughts are more focused on Malaysian foods. Madam Kwan, please be prepared to accept a mismatch of obnoxious local people and obviously jet – lagged Brits making a racket on your floor.

I have done quite a lot of research on Cairns. The climate is not that different from KL but it is less humid and much milder temperature. It is a popular seaside town and with seaside, there always be beaches and with beaches, they will be surfers and with surfers, there must be some tight swim suits or tan bodies (If you get my drifts). This is Australia anyway where bum crack and tan lines is normal.

Better get that sunnies out!

The Great Malaysian Menu

2009-05-17T05:34:00.001-07:00

With bouts of sex themed posts, one after another in my blog for the past few weeks, some of you might have a slight nausea (I hope it is not from ‘oink’ ‘oink’ flu). Furthermore, the rubbishs that I get from online newspapers too doesn’t really lift my mood, day in, day out. So I decided to write something that is really close to our heart and of course our gut! Please don’t get wildly excited, I’m talking about food.

I have no doubt in my life that Malaysia has the most exciting smorgasbord of tastes on a plate. I remember growing up to the sweet smell of caramelized onion with aniseed or star anise, the taste of melt-in-your-mouth of slowly braised beef rendang, the slightly charred sweet taste of fresh caught grilled fish, dipped into tangy tamarind juice with slivers of shallots and cili padi. Of course, not to forget the horribly sinful Melaka sugar and sago pudding, soaked with freshly squeezed nutty coconut milk or the acquired taste of famous Umai. The great thing is that food is so easy to find in Malaysia, the chance to discover the next big thing in culinary world is huge.

So if there is a chance to create the great Malaysian menu with the taste of home smothered all over it, worthy of three Michelin stars, what would it be?

If I have to imagine a four course meals, my first choice would be slightly blanched fern shoots (pucuk paku) with tripe, drizzle with salty lime dressing with generous sprinkling of pan fried fine coconut shavings. It is about great texture and great produce. Followed by fish course, I would go for simple grilled Kembong fillet on top of local greens like tart pucuk kaduk and slightly peppery pucuk raja (yum!). As for the main course, I’ll go for simple nasi lemak with beef rendang and tangy mango chutney. Slices of cucumber would be great to cool down the heat. As the pinnacle of a great taste adventure, colourful small glutinous ball made from rice flour in reduced sweet coconut milk with drizzle of toffee syrup. What a great end!

I just don’t understand why people don’t want to cook more often. I still remember when I was living with my friends; we always make a point to cook regardless of how horrible our day was, literally from scratch (cue Din Bunga, Katerina Zeta Joned or Anita Kepit). We always buy our ingredients fresh and more often or not, we always cook the food that we grow up with. Din with his fried sardines or catfish with hot chilli sauce, Kat with sweet and sour everything and Nieta with his addictive gulai lemak cili api. I missed that. I missed that horribly.

My friends pointed out that although I have a strange liking to posh eateries and willingly to spend an obscene amount of money for a single seating of dinner, when I am asked to cook (and I don’t cook that often), I always cook a relatively traditional fare like beef rendang or braised chicken in coconut milk, infused with lemongrass, chilli and galangal. What does it say about me?

So what would be your great Malaysian menu?

p/s: I still remember the only culinary misshap i had which was equivalent to the great highway crash is the infamous macaroni kanten..hahaha. Fast forward to present day, i too find it revolting although Din and Erul had a third helping. I am sorry for forcing you guys for having to eat that.

Appointment Sex

2009-05-14T15:27:00.000-07:00

It is a worrying trend if busy couples who are in long term relationship (married or civil partnership is relative) need to use their Blackberry, PDA, iPhone or the arcane texting/reminder (or SMS as commonly known in Tanah Melayu) and type messages like ‘Home, 1630 hrs, we need to get it on before I’m off to Japan” or “Ovulating approximately 0800 hrs on Saturday, save up!” or the ever funny “we need to do our ‘homework’ before going to doctor’s appointment” just to have sex. To some of us, this action is even considered taboo.

What happened to spontaneity and alluring heat of the moment of trying to ‘get it on’ (cue Marvin Gaye)? Will scheduling sex takes out the impulsive joy?

I had fun researching about the subject. I found out that the main culprit is the expectations (or sexpectation?) associated with sex. There is not a lot of articles about this out there except for how to construct an effective schedule to have sex and keeping them intact or the ever usual first hand experience on appointment sex (yuck!). The most important points that I can summarize are that compromise is needed (both of us need to lose sleep) and don’t pick time that one of us might cancel.

I find it a little bit tiring when I read a couple must at least tried to have sex more than once a week. It was quite different when you are relatively younger, full with vigor and testosterone, ready to spread your seeds as what the nature intended to. But when kids, works, household comes into the equation of sharing responsibilities, sex takes a backseat. For gay men, they are even worse; sex is the only thing that we can think of, regardless of what end of the emotional spectrum we’re in (and I know many of them)

I can dwell on the negatives as long as I what but the thing is, this type of arrangement actually have a slight chance of it’s going to work. The logic is that sure at first it feels like ‘homework’ or ‘chores’ or whatever, after awhile when couples start to reprioritize their time for love, sex and communication, surely nature will takes it’s course. The irony is that, we have always scheduled our time around sex. Saturday night, go out with Mr.X and spend the night and followed by Sunday brunch and nookie with Mr. Y. And sometimes we even scheduled web cam airtime for the people who might be in different timezone.

It is not that bad, I might even give it a try, considering how much time I just rolled off to the other side of the bed and dozed off. If next time I heard a sleazy ringing tone on somebody’s phone while queuing up for a big latte and suddenly zipped off, leaving a trail of smoky trail behind, I’m sure he is definitely ‘getting some’.

So take out your planner and let’s get horizontal.

Getting Everybody’s Kits Off

2009-05-12T23:47:00.000-07:00

Summer is here. For the past few weeks the weather has been really good, bright and sunny which is very rare for Belfast’s standard. There was no more (infamous) April shower. As the day is getting longer, warmer and warmer, everybody on the street is getting skimpier with a slight shift from tight jeans and pencil skirt to micros and short khakis. And sometimes, in the park, the boys just stripped down to just bare essential (aka boxer), baring their toned (alabaster) white bodies to the fortunate few like me. It is not only people on the street embracing nudity, the whole Middle Earth’s TV too are pretty occupied with series that celebrates the nude form. So has being naked becomes the new black this season?

I received my (unholy) subscribed magazine for this month and guess what? It is the naked edition featuring 15 naked male celebrities in the middle editorial, ranging from Austin Drage (last year’s X Factor finalist), Strike (Britain’s Got Talent Finalist) and Mr. Richard Winsor of Dorian Gray fame (super yumm!) with only small patch of white cloth to cover their modesty. When I turned on my TV on Monday, Tuesday or Thursday’s evening, there will be Gok Wan’s How to Look Good Naked, Male Extreme Beauty (celebrating everything manly from huge pecs the size of Heathrow and big bulge) or Embarrassing Illnesses. So the only thing I can watch on TV is tits, asses and cocks. I am experiencing mixed feeling now, not really sure why.

Let’s face it, it is a compulsion. The ladies or the gentlemen and the flip floppers all around the world loves to have an eyeful, whatever the opportunity is and especially when knowingly they are flagging it in front of salivating audience. And often than not, getting naked is the only way of getting the (necessary) attention.

Clearly some people loves to show off their hard work in the gym but to what level will it starts to become inappropriate? My bet is probably never. There will be demand for exotic dancers with their blue speedo whether it is in a dance club or private functions like hen’s night or some screwed bachelor’s party. Even back then, I have few friends that loved to be topless in a club which is -10 below freezing point (although that is not the case now since they move to online profiles and blog pages) Even those who previously a little bit squeamish about it have a newfound confidence has got on to it too (hint: green nature and flowing river as picture’s background), just to make the post Andy Warhol statement of how cool they were.

I am not sure whether I am missing on a competition that encourages people to be naked (I am waiting for them to announce the winners) but I am sure for one thing, where do we go from here? If there such thing as conscious cyclical pattern on society’s acceptance on nudity, are we looking at covering up as the next big thing, I’m not sure.

Before all the tits, asses and cocks viewing reaches it's saturation point, I guess it doesn’t hurt to enjoy it while it last especially before it pouring rain.

p/s: The picture above is Richard Winsor. Enjoy!

Too Horny To Think

2009-05-09T04:19:00.000-07:00

If there is such phrase that can accurately describe people like us or become a title of a memoir, ‘too horny to think’ would be dead on.

Previously I would lend my full ears and laugh my head off if I ever heard a sex conquest gone wrong (often from my trusted source of inspiration) and it sticks to my head for quite sometime. But looking back at these stories, I found out that off many mistakes that people like us always make is due to lack of considerations on our own side (although it takes two to tango). At the crucial moments of decision making (or illusions) to jump on bed, which head actually takes control of your logic? Top head or the other one?

The former queen bee of my circle is famous with silly antics and terrible experiences related to her bad judgments, from filling up a petrol engine car with diesel or driving at 90 km/hr speed on a third gear. But I think the most famous story that still gets considerable airwaves among us until now, probably is the infamous ‘Sungkai Incident’. I can’t remember where I was at that time but that doesn’t matter now. To cut the story short, after a night out at the usual bar, the queen bee and her friend went to this park or Padang Polo, as it commonly called, to look for local boys for some fun. As far that I can gather, they got to know a couple of men that would like to take then to famous tourist spot which is two hours drive from where they were. I don’t know why they went along with the plan although they knew that the night is ending and the place they were heading is far from the others.

After much canoodling in the car, the car unexpectedly took an early exit and headed to a palm oil plantation or some virgin bushes. And the struggle started. The boys pulled over to the roadside and tried to wrestle the girls’ handbags from them. The queen bee struggled to get out of the car and ran out into the bushes with their dignity left behind in the car (literally). They hid themselves in the bushes until the boys stopped looking and left the place. With twigs in their hair and dried leaves in between their skirts, they ventured out to safety. But they were in a middle of nowhere.

Luckily, there was an old man with a rickety motorcycle came to their rescue as they were walking down the road. The three of them rode the same motorcycle to the nearest town, Sungkai (hence the origin of the name of the story). After three bus rides and over 4 hours of broad daylight of humiliation, they got back to where they should be, complete with scuffed hands, smudged mascara and tousled hair.

The boys must have not used their charm to get the queen bee and her friend to jump into the car. I don’t want to talk what they shoulda, woulda or coulda do at that time. Our actions or our split decisions to do things have consequences. And sometimes we need to weight out the pros and cons. There is no point losing your pride over a quick shag. It is such a common gay cliché. We jumped to the first opportunity to get people into the bed under the illusion of ‘happily ever after’. And we are so quick o move on after bad things happened. What happen to need to reflect?

But back to the queen bee, after that incident, she only managed to stay out of the scene for two weeks. So ‘lesson learnt’ really doesn’t apply to her.

Working Full Time, Living Part Time

2009-04-28T12:43:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I feel so envious of my significant other. He is in between jobs but he still has money to tend for himself and all other obligations that he have. He can stay in at home, making sure the cat well fed and travel anywhere he wants. And here I am, slaving away half way around the world, clocking a minimum of 50 hours a week, just to make sure that I fulfill my professional obligations to my organization and receives (a considerable) amount of money called paycheck.

But why I think that the only thing we do up until now is work and only work? Where the fun has gone to?

The romanticized illusion that we have when we were younger that says if we work hard enough in the early years, we can reap the benefits much later. We studied so hard during schooling years to ensure we get the lucrative scholarship or at least the prospect of a tertiary qualification. Even then, we were forced down our throat the extra curricular activities because you don’t want your curriculum vitae only half page long. Then we worked another few more years to get the best grade for a degree, while juggling of making new friends or increasing your social network, again under the illusion of that lucrative high paying job.

And guess what, after all of those hard works, we have to work some more. Most of us opted for that ‘eight to five’ sort of job which would pile on us more work than ever. We have to work to please our boss, work to avoid annoying your colleagues (or strangle them) and work to please our clients. In between that, we work on our friendships, work on our romantic relationship, work on our body to keep fit and work on our future financial obligations. To some of us that have to travel as part of our job description, waking up in an alien bed at different time zone even feel like work.

See the only time we think that we are not working usually is a direct result of our decision to ignore deadlines and obligations. Even that, at some level, our brains (or my brain only) is working out a timetable for the works that have been pushed out to free time and for the incoming ones too.

I have tried not working for few times by taking horribly long holidays (weeks in some cases). My experiments went horribly wrong. I couldn’t focus on the things I want to do or if I’m not reading a fiction, my hand itches for that some heavy documents.

All of us are working full time now so that we can work full time forever. Furthermore, most of us don’t work only for ourselves; we work for our families and lovers. So sure, all work and no play can make life not worth living; but making sure you have people to work beside you and play with is work worth doing.

You Speak Prada?

2009-04-16T14:00:00.000-07:00

My significant other was holding a big black rubbish bag and gave me an ultimatum:

“You will clean these wardrobes and keep only those you wanted only before you go UK, we need the space for other rubbish”

“We will give the unwanted clothes to the Goodwill”

I believed my heart just skipped few beats and my forehead started to bear small beads of sweats when I heard those words. The idea to scourge six doors of wardrobe spaces and chucking the clothes into the black bags was horrible. I went through all the pieces I have (and there were a lot of them, my friends would testify against me on the state of my college’s closet conditions) and said things like “I love this shirt, I went to my first club with this” or my proud Union Jack diamante studded vest “this is the only piece the store had that day” or Kenneth Ong’s white shirt with black lace appliqué “I went to my batch prom with this shirt”. Half way through, I only managed to throw only three out of 20 odd pieces. Every single piece seems to carry some sentimental notion on it.

My significant other came back and shook his head in disbelief and said “is this the best that you can do?”

I retaliated “I love my clothes”

“Well, you definitely have some rubbish here and more than half of these clothes didn’t fit anymore since you outgrown them”

See, that is partly true. I did have (a lot of) rubbish and I did outgrown some of the clothes since I gained few inches along the waistline. I still keep the clothes because and only because I thought that I can wear it again in not so distant future. Well, that didn’t happen. I threw most of them eventually like the jeans I cannot wear and some knitwear that already loose in their integrity. But after looking back to the things that I kept, I noticed a pattern. I kept those pieces which cost a small fortune (like custom made suits, mid price pima cotton shirts and few fine trousers) relative to my allowance. Their quality lasted through out my university years and early working years.

Contrary to whatever the people or the high street said, expensive or luxury pieces are worth the investments. They last longer and you will feel better wearing it. Brand me a snob but I believe that luxury is synonym with privilege to own and not everybody can own it. Everybody should avoid buying a horde of cheap shirts but spend on few good (expensive) ones. With most of us thinking back about our spending habit in this uncertain time, I understand the lesson much better now. The reason is simple: quality pays.

At this point, Prada, Louis Vuitton and some obscure houte couture labels obscene price is relative. The sin of spending GBP 260 on a Gucci's shoe is not looking that bad now (what a rationalization)

While brands like UK’s Topshop and Malaysia’s SEED manipulate the consumers like us (I am a victim) to buy good imitation of contemporary fashions, if anybody notice, they always inserted few classic cuts. This is just an affirmation that if you spend good money on classic fashions, there is a high possibility that it will never goes out of fashion. Same goes with shoes (as always, my favorite topic), great wingtip black shoes or even nice Adidas trainer can get you a long way. In UK, most of the high street labels are shrinking but the luxury brands still maintaining their market share. I believe the trend applied to Malaysia too.

So cleaning up your wardrobe will be very good, throw all the cheap, passé stuff. It is therapeutic exercise. I gave my three full bags of clothes to my significant other to some orphanage. It is the most economically and socially responsible thing to do anyway. My significant other came back few days after and said the orphans were beyond ecstatic to get relatively better condition clothes than the rubbish they got over the years. I felt good beyond compare. The thought of seeing the kids wearing my Padini purple shirt and SEED’s knitwear does give me the warm tingle.

By the way, I still keep my Kenneth Ong’s shirt because I will wear it again.

Sex and Different City

2009-04-15T11:55:00.000-07:00

English countryside from the train

Well I just came back from my (quarterly) visit to London for the long Easter week. I was really excited just on the thought of going out from Belfast even for a few days and be able to talk to other usual suspects face to face instead of the usual YM chats and phone calls. I’m longing for a human touch.

But flying on Easter Sunday itself was a mistake since most of the shops which I wanted to go were closed. Kay with his brilliant minds said, “Let’s go to SoHo, have coffee and do men watching (similar to bird watching)”. I was going “Ka Ching~~!”. When we arrived there, all the seats were taken and after 3 rounds of circling the block, it seems like that none of the beautiful men would lift their beautifully sculptured behind up for us. So now for plan B. Kay said “are you up for a walk?” I said “I’m up for anything”. I thought how far the place could be?

Bloody hell, it was fucking far and my shoes starting to kill me. I was going “are we there yet?” every 3 minutes. Nevertheless, we did arrive at the bar and amazingly, I’m still alive. Then we started bitching round about the people in the bar and the fag hags who turned out to be the perfect accessory to any gay man (I think I still have one of those). It lasted a good 3 hours.

Soddy looks!

After a quick dinner at a Japanese restaurant, we decided to go back to the scene and have few more round of drinks in one of the bar. We had a good chat with one of the patron in the bar who was obviously drunk but entertaining nevertheless. But after a while, I got weary (age is catching up) and I didn’t feel like hanging around even after the naked dancers had taken their rightful place on the bar top or the ‘display area’ (if you know what I mean) shaking the things that ought to be shaken.

The haul from Bicester

The next day, Kay and I went to Bicester Outlet near Oxford, the key event that defined this trip. After a pleasant trip across the rolling dales and English countryside, we arrived with much conviction, armed and dangerous. We scoured every single shop and making marks on the things we wants and vowed to comeback for it after we finished our round. But after we reached the mid point of place which was the Polo Ralph Lauren, my greed took over me and I couldn’t stand the thought of my stuff being taken away by another shopper. So we decided to split into two and grab everything I wanted. FYI, Polo Ralph Lauren outlet only employed young male shop assistants who then attract young male yuppies with preppy look, Kay was bewildered.

Catch of the day, my first ever Tod's

Then, it was Burberry, Tod’s, Paul Smith, and Pringles for Scotland.

We were knackered when we got on the train back to London. I was fully satisfied with my haul this time, bloody worth my GBP 16 train ticket. The pictures proved it.

The other days were filled with my trip to must go places like Selfridges, Harrods and Sloane street. Who said I have to go to fucking museums and art galleries to enjoy the culture of a city. What bollocks!

The consolation prize

It was a great trip indeed, fuel with great company and great conversation. I wished I don’t have to go back to soggy weather of Belfast. The blister of the size of Singapore and strain on my hamstrings could attest to that.

Sweet Sweet Things

2009-04-11T13:24:00.000-07:00

When spring comes, so does the good TV shows. And the thought of seeing Rachel and Ross breaking up for the 100th time on Friends rerun has made me feel sick to the gut. So I turned to my trusted PC and find myself an online entertainment.

So I spent the last two weeks’ evening with a Jdrama and Kdrama marathon especially the Korean version of Hana Yori Dango and Rain’s Full House. The costumes are gorgeous, so does the actors (I love the frocks). The story lines are horribly sweet, I might have diabetes when I’m through with these series.

So what else?

I had the chance to go around Belfast sometime ago, accompanying some Italian friends. So we booked the famous black cab ride that allows you to go to the famous (or infamous) spots around Belfast. It is much safer anyway since the possibility of being thrown with rocks is almost zero (matilah kena rejam). The four of us went around the West Belfast and Titanic quarters in the black cab. West Belfast is where the remnants of 30 years old of ‘The Troubles’ still very much alive. The murals are not the Sistine Chapel’s quality but it is disturbingly real.

To those who don’t know, Titanic was built in Belfast. The place is much now deserted, there is no Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet’s smooching scene poster or anything fancy. Just the rawness of environment where some 300 people (at it’s peak) used to work when ship building is the main economic activity here in Belfast. Now it is just awaiting the regeneration team to take stock and change the place into some kind of posh property development.

The blond kid in the last picture is Shawn, a really funny 23 year old that I and another Malaysian lady got to know over the horrible days of boring presentations and tacky conversation. He is obviously camp but funny nevertheless.

So I'm off to London for Easter week with military style shopping spree plan with Kay. See you guys in a bit.

The Great Irony

2009-03-29T15:24:00.000-07:00

Life is filled with ironies, just as I realized it. People with curly hair want straight hair. People with straight hair want long wavy hair. Dark skinned people want a lighter one and vise versa. The ugly guys always get the prettiest girls in town. Or the poor boy who worked so hard, accumulating immense wealth in his prime just to see him back to the place he once were in the first place with only roof over his head and the clothes on his body and never in his life felt contented. And the list goes on and on.

What all of these tell us? Should we just stop trying?

I have a few of my own. I once vowed to myself that I will never get involved with anybody until I think I am ready or at least until I am able to prove that peak oil theory is non existent and solve the energy problem of the world (which is never). Four years forward, I am now in a great relationship and it is beyond anybody’s comprehension. And I found it in the utmost undifferentiated circumstances which started as a thought of a nookie.

Life sure does have a really cruel sense of humor. Since I was a child, my parents and my education taught me a set of values that I (for the rest of my life) will continue to uphold. But when a series of unfortunate events came on to you (relentlessly) over a period of time, should I continue to ignore it? Have I come to the conclusion that in my pursuit of something tangible is misplaced in the first place?

I have always wanted to go to stay or work overseas. The thrill of being in the foreign land, slightly being carefree about life and see the world is not what it cracked out to be. It is simply overrated.

I’ve learnt so much more about myself and the six degrees separating me and the others in this 18 months much more than the whole of 27 years of life combined. In the end, I’m longing to be back.

How sad is that?

Secret Single Behaviour

2009-03-12T12:22:00.000-07:00

Secret single behaviour is the habit or act that we don’t want our significant other to know. We always do that when we are in our private time or our ‘zen’ zone. Everybody have their own secret single behaviour, some have more than one. Few of us like massaging our hand with KY jelly and wrap in cling film or something, others like dance naked listening to soddy 80’s songs (who doesn’t).

What spurs us to have this quirky trait?

When I think about it, it is more as an act of affirmation of who we are. We want to tell ourselves that we are of what we are and in grand design of life, we do matter although we may share our life with somebody. I think I know some of my friends’ secret single behaviour but I’m not telling because then it will not be a secret anymore.

What’s yours?

Online Shopaholic

2009-02-28T09:43:00.000-08:00

I love online shopping. It is so addictive and convenient. And that is a lethal combination. I bought almost everything over the net. Shoes, clothes, books, name it, we can buy almost everything. I found internet or online shopping is really convenient. Living in small town like Belfast where shops and shopping complexes are sparse or you don’t really know where to go just to find the specific stuff that you want, Google can be your favorite personal shopper.

There was one time when my laptop’s power supply gone kaput due to a broken pin in the connecting wire in the middle of the night. Given my limited skill in IT skills and electrical engineering, I’ve managed to make it work again with limited success. But the most important thing, I can still do some surfing with my credit card firmly place in my hand and ordered the exact power supply model and I bought not one but two just incase the same thing ever happened again. So, in the middle of the night where no shop is open, I can manage to avert crisis.

Don’t get me mistaken, I still love going out and shop. Nothing beats the whole ritual of going out like dressing up and exchanging bags and cards or cash. But sometimes, when the weather is not permitting and the warmth of the house seems too good to be missed, I can still do window shopping, wearing just short and t shirt with a mug of hot coffee in hand. Furthermore, there is always a chance that when you find the perfect cashmere sweater in the color you want, just to get disappointed when you got to know that size you want was out of stock. You will not get that problem when you shop online.

Even the luxury brands like Burberry, Paul Smith and Tod’s sell their stuffs over the net. In one’s life, there will be (plenty) of instances where you enter a brand of that sort, you will get a smug look from the sale assistants, just because you don’t look like a million dollar. Remember Pretty Woman? You can avoid all those looks and shop online, you still get your shoes or bags without the annoyance being hassle by sales assistants who don’t know better. That leads to another advantage; I don’t have to travel to other foreign countries just to get an item of a particular brand like Roberto Cavalli or Armani Home Furnishing. I will save a lot from airline tickets and hotels which might translate into another pair of boots.

So over the year, what have I bought over the net? More than three quarter of my 20 odd pair of shoes were bought online. Most of my books bought over Amazon.co.uk, together with some ‘novel’ DVDs. Itunes is my best friend now, buying singles just under GBP 1. OMG, that is a lot of shopping. With a specific eye on arts, I might also buy some good bespoke art from eBay for the new house.

The only thing that is not enjoying this, probably is my bank balance.

What Credit Crunch?

2009-02-18T09:10:00.000-08:00

Credit crunch does not sound fun, does it? It just invoked a doomsday image where people running, breaking store’s glass display and try to grab everything and make haste. Again, it does not sound gay, does it? While the reality is very real on this part of the world where I am now, where shops and small businesses closing at alarming rate due to their inability to secure credit to keep their trade alive. I still remember one weekend I went out after few weeks of pickling in the house, I sensed an invincible aura of anxiety and restlessness on the street and many closing sale signs were up.

But what does it mean for people like us? Do we become more aware on what we spend and the status of our credit health?

For those who still have their day job intact for foreseeable future, we are actually better off. Some of us still keep the same spending habit like paying off debt and once in a while dine out at some nice or posh place although we might feel that the establishments should lower down price just to keep people coming on regular basis. And who could resists that beautiful designer shoes when all of us know we can afford it because the credit card’s interest rate just gone down.

People like us are so much in better term since we do not have kids to feed, school’s fee to pay, relatively low level of debt (for those who don’t have 10 credit cards maxed and you just paying interest rather than the loan), our disposable income value are much more compared to a year ago. But in time like this, it is really good to start to evaluate how much extra we have at the end of the month.

My Paris Hilton spending days were rather limited since I moved to UK but sometimes when the temptations are great like that Lyle & Scott sweater, Burberry’s Check Trainer or that Jeffrey West’s Havana Boots (all online shopping) are hard to resists, I still spend healthily. When you have new mortgage on top of your head and the vision of grand headboard bed in the master bedroom, I’ve started saving more than usual. But I would bet on my life that the men’s underwear section in Selfridges will be continuously filled with rich gay yuppies. Or are the heterosexuals’ stays in more, giving up on new season stock for us to grab.

I still enjoy shopping but I took a much longer route to get there. I save some of my allowance (shocking!, I know!). I am going to make sure it will be enough for me to grab almost everything on Gucci’s shelf before I board the plane back to Malaysia. Shoes at Heathrow Terminal 3 are so cheap, 30% less than high street’s price.

That is my motivation.

Property Ladder

2009-02-11T12:24:00.000-08:00

Some people said buying property is a lifetime commitment. If that so, I had made a really serious commitment.

After browsing through the internet on weekly basis, continuously updating my criteria of a perfect home (with the help of my significant other, of course), the search seem to be of no end. Great duplex comes with many shortcomings like exorbitant maintenance fee, high mortgage price and no elevator while terraces with their bad location, bad location and bad location.

I don’t fancy excessive renovation work or wet kitchen and dry kitchen concept (what is wrong of having ONE kitchen?). I like spaces and I would love to have an extra small room for my future study room, my retreat from the world.

Since I’m still in UK, it is not possible for me to do all the viewings, so I have to coax my significant other to do the house hunting. So my significant other went to see few properties like penthouse and duplex. I hate most of them on the ground of stupid layout and high mortgage price. I’ve started to toy around with the idea to call the search off and continue to wait until something better comes along. So I asked my significant other to look into one new development which looks promising on the net (most things are) and if that doesn’t work out, I’m ready to throw in the towel.

I woke up really early to listen to my significant other’s opinion over the phone. I was anxious.

My significant other said yes. It is perfect. In a whim, I said yes too. We’ve found the one. Meet Parkville Townhouse , Unit TV 147-B.

At the moment, I have yet to sign on the dotted line but it will not be out of ordinary. But my partner already constructing a list that could match UK's wish list for X'mas. Bless him!

Summer Snow

2009-02-08T01:47:00.000-08:00

It is one of those unforgivingly beautiful winter days.

Cold but beautiful (like many people I know of)

Are We Hypocrites?

2009-01-22T14:45:00.000-08:00

I was going through a preset notion of reading my monthly subscription magazine. It is the Valentine issue, the dreaded issue of my many single friends. While I’m still making sense of the possibility that I will not celebrate this year’s Valentine’s Day with my significant other, it kept me thinking. It is a little bit ironic event even to me since some people still get into relationship in the name of love but quench their lust with the available men under the name of open relationship. Half of the world’s population still celebrate love and life (I wish to think so), why is that I felt that we all value ignorance? So, is ignorance bliss?

I see all of these all the times. When a person tells me of their sexual escapades and I am in complete awareness of the existence of a significant other on the other side of the city, it is eating me inside for withholding the urge not to judge. It gets worse when I know (usually by chance) the significant other does the same thing. Even so, when people bring up the issue of monogamous relationship, the same argument used over and over again for the non – believers, we will not get hurt with the things we don’t know.

But what happen to trust? At this point, trust is just an operative word that people can use in time of needs.

We are all lured by the concept of open relationship. Who doesn’t want uncomplicated fun and close companionship? When you are done with your fuck buddy, it is reassuring that there will be a person at home that will spooned you during that cold nights. The monogamous among us continue to persevere and uphold the values, just to prove that all of us deserving the undivided romance. After all, in some twisted world or parallel dimension, all of your fuck buddies or one – night – stands wish you ‘happy birthday’ when the clock strikes 12. Brief encounter have their places but seldomly not in the people’s heart.

We all have friends, don’t we? I am a friend of someone and once upon a time in a not – so distant past, I sneered to the idea of my friends settling down in their prime. When I analyzed it now, it just a fear of me losing one clubbing partner and designated driver to accompany the gang to the club while he had to live with our choice to embrace hedonistic lifestyle.

There is a small part of our unconsciousness that cherish the moment that we might have found The One amid our efforts to dismiss the feelings as cheesy, superficial and naïve. Whether you are the boy with a broken heart or the guy that cannot get the second date, let’s not ever give up. When we decide to share our life, it does not mean we have to compromise it. The night scene will continue to evolve and there will be new people coming into the scene, filling in the vacated spaces on the dancefloor. And last time I check, there is no incidence of spontaneous human combustion when I declared my love to my significant other five years ago.

Life goes on, just a little bit happier.

p/s: I drawed my inspiration for this article from a friend that i haven't talk to for quite sometimes. All his gibberish words of finding love makes sense after all, finally. We know who he is.

And He Stands Alone

2009-01-18T12:43:00.000-08:00

I can’t remember when was the last time I made a new friend. Well, I made a few acquaintances but not friend. There are many friends that have been downgraded to acquaintances since if I ever meet them by accident, the conversation will be very limited to few nods and ‘ohh’s and ‘ahh’s. And often after we parted on our way, it would be a very long time before we make any more contact. And often after that, the next time we meet, your friend will come equipped with baby strollers and what not. Why is that, in our adult life, sometimes it is difficult for us to strike a natural conversation and find a common ground between friends?

I guess there is no accurate explanation. After we came to pass the stage where personal goals becomes more important, other people that stand on our path suddenly reduced into pawns for us to achieve our goals. And it becomes worse if when your old mate become a colleague of yours. Suddenly you become anxious and start questioning the level of trust between you and your friend. Management experts always say that there is no such thing is friend and business.

The only friends that I have made are friends of my significant other. I fond with most of them and they are easy to talk too. Prior to that (before my significant other time), my attempt of making friends were rather limited to the online chat rooms and late nights on weekends. Don’t get me started on the people that I’ve met in the club. It is very difficult to make friends or to strike a conversation when people tried to stuck their tongue down your throat or keeping their hands off your behind (or front, if that matter). I don’t know why but most of them never talk to me again now.

Online networking websites like Friendster, then Myspace and now Facebook seems to offer much wider reach to people beyond your boundary, how many of us really know about the people in those webpages? I have profile in the first two since the beginning of the century but I have become less active in it and it has stayed dormant for the past few years. I have been contemplating to delete it since I don’t really know them beyond those pictures on their profile. Even my age on my profile hasn’t change for the past 5 years (I’m still 24 or 25 on my profile, go figure) I can’t really figure out why some have thousand friends count but do they knows these ‘friends’ on a more personal level.

Since now I realized of the delicate art of making friends, good friends are hard to come by, they are as rare as four leaves clover. Therefore it is natural for us to keep those people at hand as close as we can.

S.O.S

2009-01-01T08:33:00.000-08:00

Barack Obama, Milo Ventimiglia as Peter Petrelli in Heroes and Edward Cullen of Twilight confirmed one of many centuries old myths, we love heroes (whether it is fictional or real life) and we love and want to be rescued. Call it knight in a shining armor, prince charming or ‘the good in you’, it is the same thing. In a world where hope is like an everyday weight loss diet that never works but we faithfully continue to consume, heroes seem to be a novel idea. What is it with the people on the street or people like us that scream ‘I need to be rescued!’ ?

I knew a friend of a friend (it is always friend of a friend, who wants declare him/herself who befriended a person who exemplify a horrid taste in people?) years back (the time when I can fit into a jean with 28 inches waist) who seems bent on seeking his version of white knight, day in day out. During those days, whichever club that was popular back then, me and my friends always tried to evade a particular corner which permanent residents to be mid 40’s with designer labels (only some can pulled it off respectively), but not this particular friend. He adored it. He put his hands on their right shoulder, just for a moment, which I know a great way to say ‘I’m interested’.

He went out with them, got chauffeured around and always came back with new stuffs whether it is a new watch, shoes or hand phone. We were curious, I was even more. So with the help of small candle at Abg Dol’s food stall, I interjected.

‘Why do you go out with that guy?’

‘I like him’

‘Which part?’

‘The part when I ever need financial fix, I can rely on him or whenever I need to talk without somebody pulling my pants off, I can rely on him”

While my other friends saw ‘GOLD DIGGER’ clearly written on his forehead, I sensed an underlying tone. I know even at this age, we will get into trouble one way or another whether it is financial, health or career. While friends can offer a limited solution, we just need the one that can go the extra mile to help us get out from the deep shit we’re in. And in this case, he just wants to know there will be someone out there that has the choice to help him. We want to be rescued.

But in a relationship, if everybody wants to be saved, who will be the saviour? Should we become our own saviour regardless how many sacred pact we have made in the past with the girls that will marry you in spite of the obvious fact?

I think we should become part of the solution.

The Illusion of Permanence

2008-12-25T07:27:00.000-08:00

Christmas’ morning is usually dark and damp. No exception with today. The road is very quite with occasional cars crossing by, heading to morning mass. The only thing that the people are looking forward for during this long holiday is Boxing Day when the shopping frenzy starts. I am no exception. Festive season is always about traditions, whether it is X'mas or Eid or Hanukkah.

This is my 100th article, spanning over 4 years and three continents. Who would’ve thought that I have the persistence to continue to update and maintained this blog. I started this blog as an excuse for me to be cynical and a legit outlet for using profanities. And over the years, I do believe that i have been able to write on subjects of great concern to humanity like shoes, credit cards and personal opinions. I hope that i will be able to continue for another 100 articles.

‘The illusion of permanence’ is the phrase coined by Woody Allen to describe traditions. We all have traditions. I love traditions. It brings the sense of festivities to otherwise mundane events.

I and my friends have traditions that manage to stand the test of time. When we were in Uni, the first night of the semester, we all sat down in round table wherever possible like Makcik Kentang or Makcik Dashing. We all talked about what happened during the break like the horrible date(s) we had, the people we know that got outed (by accidentally meeting them in places they shouldn’t be) and what will be in our wish list in the coming months. But the most interesting part was where we layout our almost military like plan about recruitment drive into our tight circle after spending a good half day looking for potential candidates from the new batch of students.

Well, let me tell you this, none of the action items were taken up. My friends were more interested with chasing fresh meats or the prospect of getting regular fuck for the remaining of the semester (remember Cik Dih/Daia and the boy who like older girls/Izzu?). Whatever the outcomes were, even after Gabby/Awie/Lorea/Aan started to leave the Uni, the tradition was taken up years after. (I don’t think it is the case now but I do believe somebody else might have taken it up).

Another thing, before I moved to UK, I managed to organize party for my birthday or Eid celebration where I cooked up a storm. If I still remember correctly, this started when we were hanging out in Shah Alam. It started small with small circle of fiends and a simple cake. But as the years progressed, the celebration got bigger and out of control. And we always arranged it so that it suited the majority since some of them were still in school at that time. Strangely, I don’t have that many pictures of those parties, I wish I had keep them somewhere.

I and my significant other too have tradition that we started few years back. On our anniversary, we always go to Victoria Station for a romantic dinner for two. My significant other always goes for sizzling steak, medium rare. I don’t stick with one cut, I’ll taste everything. Or we will take a vacation together, somewhere nice. Few years back, it was Penang and this year it was Dublin.

As of for myself, I have my own tradition too. Not that I’m going to tell you.

Some traditions might last for a lifetime and if we get lucky, another whole new generation might pick it up and carry it on. There will be a lot of chance to create new traditions.

Well, the year is ending. 2008 has been a great year but I hope that 2009 will be better. I wish that all my friends and acquaintances find the will to carry on and search for things that really matter. But anyway Merry X’mas and Happy New Year

I Know This Much Is True (Part 2)

2008-12-18T10:41:00.000-08:00

This is a continuation of a (very old) post bearing the same name.

4. What Do We Know About Love

When Carrie recites the poem at her friend’s wedding, it struck me point blank, after 28 years of life, what have I learnt about love? Have my friends’ view on love have changed as they struggle through careers, mortgage and their constant denial?

Looking back, I am sort of a chameleon when it comes to love. But not sex, I’m always straight up with sex. I practiced tough love, easy prey, love for a night and all of that, but did it teach me anything on love. Tough question, I can’t really answer that.

But I know for a fact, like anything else in life, it needs works, a lot of works. I know compromise is a must. You can’t win on every fight. You can have fight and sulk for few days but somebody needs to give up. Giving up is not a sign of weakness. It is a sign of maturity. You don’t give up your pet just because he/she scratch your perfect sofa.

And I know for a fact that deeply liking someone is different than loving some one. We always fall in love for the wrong reason. I have seen many of my friends ‘fall in need’ rather than ‘fall in love’. We don’t want to be seen by the society (whatever your definition of society is) to be the sad one. We don’t want to be caught dead going to a party alone or continuously being asked by people about ‘the one that got away’.

But what happened after we found love? Can it survive the harsh reality of human cynical outlook and the force of nature?

Love is an essential part of the human build, without the people we love, we are nothing. We thrive on that hope that we will one day find that one person who will one day make our lives whole. sometimes that doesn’t work, but for an instant, it was there, and you tasted a sampling of what that true love will be like. Without that promise of love, there is nothing to really live for.

Carrie found hers, will you?

His hello was the end of her endings
Her laugh was their first step down the aisle
His hand would be hers to hold forever
His forever was as simple as her smile
He said she was what was missing
She said instantly she knew
She was a question to be answered
And his answer was "I do"

- Carrie Bradshaw (The Chicken Dance)

The Advocate of Tough Love.

2008-12-16T14:06:00.000-08:00

I have a friend called Mr. Crude Remarks. I am very fond of him, known him since my school days. He is one of those people who take charge on everything. Career progression, where to hang out and the people he went out with, you named it, he have fine grip on it. Let’s admit it; he is the guy we love to hate.

Sure, he got everything going on. But there is something peculiar about him. He always shrugged people off, sometimes when I’m in his company I can get a little bit unsettled.

He never gives people advise, just hints.

He never acknowledges his partner or introduces his partner to new acquaintances, just a slight movement to his partner’s side. His partner doesn’t seem to mind

I can’t help but to wonder, is tough love the prescription drug we need?

While we need to learn that some things in life can’t be handed down to us in silver platter, we do need a nudge once in a while to direct us to the right direction. I am very sure that there is a fine line between building character via this means and creatively deconstructing people’s self esteem. But surely there is a trust threshold limit that needs to be achieved before it can make any sense like mother and son or between a teacher and a student.

I understand why he did that, he never wants validations, he never needs one. He deprived himself from such things because he thinks it can only inflate his ego.

His partner doesn’t seem to mind because they never need to express it. People, they said, can be extremely smart or ignorant. It worked both ways for them.

People should realize that oneself is the worst critic. We are our own tough love practitioner. As I always said before, we set the highest standard. Or so we think. So which one are you?

I Have An Itch, Will You Scratch?

2008-12-05T13:54:00.000-08:00

Hear ye! Hear ye!

Welcome to the world of no strings attached! (Or would you think?)

Holding up to a relationship nowadays can be really challenging. Anybody that can hold anything near a relationship for a long period of time should be given an award or something (leave the heterosexuals alone). There are so many temptations like giving away to your ego, hot people everywhere, the competition and insecurity. But am I longing to be single again?

Back to my hey days where late nights were the norms, waking up in strangers’ bed was so very often and tight jean is a must, I did enjoy my coming out into the society ritual. People were not that mean to me, they were welcoming with background murmur, scrutinizing my pedigree. Well, I’m not bad looking, have the best education that money can buy and great personality (well, that might be pushing the envelope a little bit). And I have friends that can bring the house down wherever they go (I have to say sorry to them, I sometimes ditched them to follow whoever I met in club for the night).

It was like a competition back then. I cannot call it a competition since their preference varies. Everybody was boasting the fuck of the night and proudly putting a notch on the bed post.

And when you felt frisky and lonely on good Friday night (who doesn’t?), the phone becomes your best friend. Flicking through your phone book which looks like a hotline to ‘I’m a Devil’s whore’, your brand is processing images at a speed of a supercomputer and asked yourself ‘what I should treat myself to tonight?’ I still remember I have a friend whose ears turned red every Friday and started sending SMS to everybody he knows. Everybody in the house felt the heat. Oh, oh, here we go again.

All of these must have got to do with your confidence. Confidence exudes strong sexuality. Confidence gives off mystery. People can get really intrigued with randomness and that my friend, comes with experience.

Be safe, play safe.

My answer? Not really actually.

The Stories That a Picture Won’t Tell

2008-12-02T14:07:00.000-08:00

So the old saying goes ‘a picture is worth more than a thousand words”. So does ‘a thousand words’ tells you the stories that you want to listen or you listen to the stories that it will tell? People love to put pictures on their blog. And all of the pictures, everybody looked so happy and contented. Or are they?

I was looking through the albums that I and my partner make from all the digital pictures we have. Of course, we picked the ones that both of us (or at least one of us) looked good. But going through the album over and over again, do we remember the details that entail and follow the moment when the pictures were taken? Will I remember the spilt coffee on my coat and my significant have to endure my constant mumbling of how difficult and how expensive my laundry bill will be, just before the most perfect Kodak moment we both had at Hyde Park?

Or the picture of Beau ever looking so cute, sleeping in between the dirty laundry in the laundry basket and how I felt so warm and happy? The day after that picture was taken, my partner and I had the biggest fight and it dawned upon me that picture of Beau might turned out to be a token of remembrance for a relationship that might have been.

Or for someone to see a picture of a group of friends at a party, a birthday party perhaps or a simple celebration of something nice, would he or she knows that the two person at both end of the pictures, albeit smiling, have never talk to each other for over a year for a reason that both thought the real reason why they stopped talking to each other? Will the onlooker knows that they continue their silent feud for another year and another year after that party? Probably not.

Will an album full of pictures tells you that?

I beg to differ.

Yes, I agree that pictures recorded all the perfect moments or happy moments that we will cherish forever. But in between the snaps, we must acknowledge that good relationship requires works and sacrifices. A good friend will always lend his or her shoulder and ears in time of needs, like in bad breakup or his or her constant ranting of sex quest and unachievable conquests. Or the time that you cried alone, hoping one day, all the pains and disappointments that you have collected along the years would disappears together with the rain. Those moments rarely recorded on pictures.

Understanding this, should we all look at pictures at different angle now?

Men and Heels

2008-11-29T14:12:00.000-08:00

To those who knew me well, they probably will tell you that the two things that I really like are shoes and knit wears. Those two obtained permanent residence status in my wardrobe since the day I learned financial planning. I might be the one, infamously, wore lambs wool and chunky cotton sweater in sweltering heat of the place – that – the – name – shouldn’t – be – mentioned (in midday, mind you) and didn’t break a sweat (or probably didn’t care enough because I looked fabulous). And who would forget the day that I chose to wear a boot, three sizes smaller than my normal shoe size, to all of my classes. I would assure you that the people who made those shoes have hidden hatred against feet.

Living in UK has certainly flamed my obsessions with these two things to a new height. The great thing about UK is that the men have a really great taste in style. The beautiful cropped peacoat, long slim wool trench coat, chunky cardigans and slim cut jeans are the in – thing right now. I have never agreed on skinny jeans and plimsols (besides the notion of the boys might be wearing the girl’s jeans) but here, the boys can pull it off. And the shoes, ahh… the shoes, I have never seen such diverse styles and makes. I am in shoe heaven.

During the 17th Century, King Louis XIV of France was obsessed with shoes with heels, red heels to be specific. But how many of us can really pop $400 odd and afford Manolo Blahniks or Patrick Cox?

Traditionally, boy’s shoes generally have low – heeled shoes, which for me, will always be in the mainstream. But I have confession to make. My obsessions (or addiction) with shoes has taken a new height. My recent buy of a Jeffrey West’s Tri Buckled Cuban Heel Leather Boots is right now the star of my wardrobe. The shoes have got 40 mm heels and it feels absolutely fabulous when wearing it. Cuban heeled shoes are really great and understated. I don’t think that Malaysia will be ready with potential sight with men wearing high heeled shoes and trotting around Suria KLCC (leave the transsexuals alone).

But I absolutely love it. I (literally) gained an inch of height and confidence. My other shoes have to take a back seat now. Until I get that Patrick Cox’s Quake boots.

Autumn and winter are the seasons that people love to hate. But people don’t realize that these seasons are the best seasons to observe people’s fashion sense. It might be all black and grey too many but the colors are bursting along the seams, at least to my eyes.

My Cynical Self and My Cynicism Benchmark

2008-11-23T08:42:00.000-08:00

When I started this blog few years ago (how time flies and remarkably, I haven’t aged a day), I vowed to be as cynical as I can be or more than Miranda Hobbes of SATC. Being cynical, I believe it comes naturally for people like us.

But looking back to the articles that I have posted over the years, it comes to me that I have become ‘soft’. What just happened?

But anyway, X’mas is here!

Is Consolation Prize Any Consolation in A Relationship?

2008-10-26T02:56:00.000-07:00

I have always wanted to write this piece for quite sometimes (well 4 years is not sometimes) but I have never able to get around it. After coming across an article over the internet, I think I have enough thoughts to put in writings. As I have continuously reiterated over the years, I am not a relationship guru. My relationship have always not that smooth sailing but like the most commonly abused phase in English literature, all in a day’s work.

I have never got around the phase ‘adik angkat’. As far as I can recall, I used to be ‘adik angkat’ twice or three times in the early years. The first time, I didn’t really know what to do and strangely, I can’t really remember who the girl was. The second time around, again I didn’t know how to act but that leaves a lasting impression in my life. But going through that all over again in my head, I can’t really make head or tail of it. I know something for certain now which is to call anything beyond ‘adik angkat’ at that age and time will guarantee you a few years in the slammer. Is ‘adik angkat’ becomes our version of ‘if-I-can’t-get-more, I-might-as-well-settled-a-step-lower’?

I know few people who love to use ‘boyfriend’ term sparingly but use ‘adik angkat’ term always not because they cannot afford to use the term boyfriend but because they can’t. After months and months of courting and when the sense of rejection becoming more and more pressing and the only thing that holds you together is the fancy dinner in somewhere fancy and with the credit card’s balance is adding up another digit on monthly basis, anybody would be pushed to salvage something out of it.

In today’s high stake and fast-paced race in getting hitched, all of us want to strike the million dollar jackpot. And boy, I’ve seen so many dirty tactics being employed in the playing field; it might as well call it as the killing field. I have never seen so many hearts being ripped out and blood sprayed over the wall, ‘The Exorcist’ looks like child’s play to me. And this is for wanting to be wanted and desired and to be in the winning place. Well, technically, in every man, there is only one first place and apparently many consolation prizes.

So, in much iteration, I have come to a conclusion where while I found that any form of consolation prize can be the sugar coated remedy to the bruised ego, the best thing to do is always to back out and say good bye because the most hurtful thing that you can do to yourself is not the rejection itself but the constant tease of something that you cannot get many times over.

We Are Not Naturally Funny

2008-10-12T04:37:00.000-07:00

I still remember back then when we (unfortunately) got to know a duo of what is now becomes to be our beloved fag hag. We were out and about the town, having a great time after a good night in the club, so we opted for a quick drink at the famous watering hole of Ipoh. There was no large enough table except one that was already half seated with two girls with such unfortunately bad taste in clothes and lipstick color with their acquaintances. Left with no choice, we sat next to them, minding our own business. I can’t remember who started it first but hell did we pay for that.

I still remember one of the conversations that happened that night:

“I loves you guys, you guys are so funny, I almost cannot contained my bladder!!”

“I have always liked your type of people, everybody is so funny”

Leering from the corner of my eyes, did she took one too many recreational drug pills?

“My type of people” is clearly “hilariously” generalized people.

Come to think of that many years later (fast forward to today), are we, the rich yuppies with destined bachelorship, are inherently funny? Yes probably we are but it was some sort of defense mechanism and a way to identify with each other.

I know we love to trade sarcastic remarks and banters like how awful our taste in partners and clothes. And of course, those unfulfilled New Year’s resolutions like losing those extra festive weights and awful choices of clothes that Siti Nurhaliza chose to wear for all those Juara Lagu finales (clearly all those designers purposely wants to put her on shame). But always, those words uttered with much respects and love (I wish to think so).

Gay people are equipped with awfully sharp tongue which can put any heterosexual to shame or even to tears on some occasions. And clearly, if we have to put it to any good use, we are surely will be a tough cookie to crack on the debate team. And because of that, gay people can be extremely popular with the larger crowd especially the girls and always seen as a threat by the heterosexuals. But who can help it, chicks loves funny people.

But anyway, we are fiercely proud with our quick wit and high sensitivity towards other people. But if you can be the like of Alan Carr, we shouldn’t complain that much

A Different Shade of Gray

2008-09-24T07:54:00.000-07:00

There is something different with this year’s Raya.

Apart of the obvious that I am half way around the world, together with my significant other, there is not much to look forward to. While the weather here has never been better, it doesn’t really lift my mood. Probably because the fact that the year is ending and by default, I’m getting older (not old, nobody wants to fuck a grandma) and the holiday season is not about us anymore.

But looking back, it was this time last year that I decided to move away and probably taken everybody by surprise. And now, regret is far from my mind although sometimes in the day, I always question the real motivation behind my decision back then. Was it peer pressure, money or personal satisfaction?

And I have always wondered especially when looking and reading other people’s blog, if I’m not here, will I be part of those pictures of buka puasa or birthday parties? Am I the subject of ridicule in everyday conversation that happen between good mates back in homeland? Will I slowly dissolve into the background of these people’s life and become noise, slowly but surely?

But if future does hold any good outcome for me, I will for sure, endure the doubts and questions that sometimes are best not answered.

Nevertheless, I would like to wish everybody a very Selamat Hari Raya and Maaf Zahir & Batin.

Super Botox Me

2008-08-25T12:29:00.000-07:00

Last night I saw this documentary about an experiment of a late 30’s beauty journalist on the rage of non invasive cosmetic procedures like botox, fillers and fractal laser. Coupled with the fact that I’m approaching my ‘scary age’ i.e. 30 years old, the prospects of having eye bag with the size of Louis Vuitton monogrammed bag seems really uninspiring to say the least.

We have been fed with ‘before and after’ images and all these extreme makeover shows doesn’t really helping to boast our self esteem. At certain point, we all want to be the ‘after’ picture. It is so depressing.

Back to the journalist, so she decided to go to the States, the holy place for everything plastic and fake (besides the gay clubs in KL, haha!). After the third consultation, she decided that she likes the doctor well enough to let him do the non invasive procedures on her. The procedures included to tone down the frown lines (the lines on your forehead), filler on the cheeks and injections around the mouth to remove the smile lines (or whatever it is called). All of those areas needed 50 injections of botox and fillers in the time span of 20 minutes or so. The journalist commented ‘it was the roughest 20 minutes in my life”.

But there were visible improvements.

‘I couldn’t stop’ that was what she said when she decided to meet the magic hands of Madonna’s cosmetic surgeon. At the end of the day, she had a neck lift and fillers for her lips and USD 2400 more on the credit card. But the fractal laser treatment is ‘the’ treatment to go. It involves sucking a layer of the skin of and the healing process will taut up the general look. But will the sound of small vacuum sucking sound, equipped with razor tempt you? You will have to stay out from the sun and people as you won’t like to be seen as a leper.

After all of these procedures employed, she does look good. No more tired looks and at least the face look symmetrical. And now she can competes in the singles market with the eye on young yuppie men (don’t all of us). But to come to think, it is worthwhile, since she has to go through all of those tortures again in 4 months time. Like cigarettes and alcohol, it is an addiction.

Looking at the mirror every morning, my eyes obviously need something done. The laugh line can do with some toning down. And the list goes on and so forth.

Maybe I should rethink my decision not to give up smoking (this year that is).

How Do We Say Goodbye?

2008-08-17T12:33:00.000-07:00

I hate goodbyes

After all these years, I still have a superb difficulty of uttering it to anyone in any form. Goodbyes have this eerie feeling to it as if every time that somebody says it, it might be the last one we will ever hear it. I have this knack of avoiding saying goodbye, I usually disappear and that usually comes with “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy.

How do we say goodbye to the memories that weren’t ours in the first place?

How do we say goodbye to the make believes that we conjured up along the way?

How do we say goodbye to the lies that we choose to tell?

There is no easy way to do this. Somebody told me some years ago, saying goodbye is therapeutic. It helps us to move on. Up till now, I only got half of the meaning, cannot really figure out the rest. I understand that as we become more apologetic for the person we are and the shortcomings that we might have, we also tend to be more apologetic to others. Every time we say goodbye, all that we wish for the other person is good health and good fortune (sounds like CNY greeting, does it?)

Saying goodbye is also about learning to let go. Some people write open letters to one self or to others, seeking answer they think or thought they might find. Getting there is never easy, but in the process we have become ready to tear us apart from the things that we have searching for.

My significant other took a leap of faith by quitting the only job he knows for the last 14 years just to follow me half way around the world. I can sense from the phone call he made on the day he tendered his resignation that he was afraid. He was afraid of saying goodbyes to the things that he is familiar with. It is not easy. But now, the feeling will only multiply few hundred times when he has to leave his friend, his possessions and that small furry thing. I had to endure that a year ago.

But I never say goodbye, I say ‘till we meet again"

Sumpah Tak Carik Lagik

2008-08-03T13:19:00.000-07:00

In one way or another, we all have said this, to ourselves or to our friends. And often that comes out when we see something that we fancy. And more often or not, the thing that we fancy seems to be a little bit out of reach. Is there a correlation between the amount of phrase above uttered and the level of standard that we put on ourselves when it comes to the person that we desired?

Looking back at the countless conversations that I had with my circle of friends, there answer is yes. Surely, there is an explanation to this. We have always wanted certain traits that spell out “a good catch” like good looks, nice cars and house or a really thick wallet or occasionally a uniform. And every time something similar passes by, we made a promise or called it an oath that we will never stray away. And by saying that, many of it is really high and I mean high.

Are we deliberately putting ourselves ‘unattainable’ by the masses? Look at the many profiles in the dating web pages and you can list down all the desirables attributes of the future significant other, and the one asking seems lacking the attributes that they wanted. Our ego might have a role in determining our preferences in people and clothes and that always led to narcissism.

I know that the world sometimes (ok, all the times) works against us. But should us works against ourselves by trying to be happy and experience life as what it may brings. Would a good after hours chat with someone that genuinely wants to talk to you accompanied by two cups of café latte would be more desirable than trying to accommodate some ego maniacal prick’s demanding schedule?

Of my many interactions, generally, most people look for certain similarities in their partners. There are a lot of gay couples who looks nothing like each other and lots of straight couple who look like mirror images. I just want say “manage your expectations”.

Utter Contempt

2008-08-01T14:14:00.000-07:00

I am in complete disgust with people that actually flags off their dirty laundries and flaws in public and still bloody wants people to think that they are some kind of public hero no 1!

What a complete utter nonsense!

I am in reference of a certain blog that I read this week about AIDS/HIV and how this person came in contact with it. It is one thing to promote awareness about the disease, but it is altogether different area when you started being plain pathetic. Come on people, what kind of attentions or judgments that you want to draw people when you called yourself as a frequent visitor of certain places which I believe a decision made on clear conscience?

And what about chronicling your daily life which has little substance to it? Do people really interested about you visiting some ex housemates or about their partner or partners? Or calling oneself ‘dirty’ because of the disease and the apparent lack of knowledge about the situation he is in.

The movement about HIV/AIDS awareness in Malaysia was started a decade back and what this person has done so far is putting the movement back to where it was a decade a go. Exactly, nowhere. Called me emotionally drained but I do believe there is a better way in dealing this and actually make some difference in what the twat called as a doomed life.

It was a really bad a decision to read that blog because the words were playing like a broken tape in my bloody head.

Uhh!

For Love and Label

2008-07-24T00:08:00.000-07:00

Carrie said everybody comes to the big city looking for two things: love and label.

Are we?

There Were Two Times

2008-06-24T15:16:00.000-07:00

There were two times in my life that I cried over a group of people. Both times were directed to two different set of people but commonly known as friends. And both incidents were caused by a common reason, my choice to leave. And it seems that the most recent incident was caused by the same reason again, my choice to leave.

The first incident happened 10 years back when I and everybody else have to say goodbye to high school. As I was in a boarding school, the bond is quite strong since everybody shared the same view and to some extent, the same objectives. A group of young boys saying goodbyes to each other can be heart rendering as at that point everybody looks so vulnerable. And as everybody looking at each other’s face haplessly looking for affirmations that besides the different scenarios that everyone has to face, some things will not change. That was not the case.

The other time was when I had to move back to university after my internship period finished. I was living a group of people that were more fabulous than the Sex and The City cliques but without the extensive numbers of Jimmy Choos and Christian Louboutins. Well they opt for wigs and large printed batiks instead. Withholding of the exteriors, they have nothing less than accommodative and fun. I had the best birthday party at that house. The day that I was whisked away, the dam broke down and the water was pouring out as if there was no end to it. It is an end of an era.

I had the chance to comeback to Malaysia after living overseas for a while for work and a short holiday. Meeting my friends was one of top agenda. Reading blogs and occasional phone calls were hardly enough to cover the sense of loss over the year. So I did meet them. The conversations were excellent and atmosphere was felt festive at moments. Nothing prepares me with the massive emotional upheavals that came together with that. In the morning of my day of departure, the sense of loss was so great, even the action of taking the garbage out can be extremely difficult. The tears came rolling again.

When you moved away thousand of miles all because you chose to, you will realize that the friends that you leave behind are indeed special. It is only since I’ve hard to start saying my goodbyes, again I realized, how hard good mates are to come by and furthermore, how long those friendships take to build.

Hard, indeed.

Lazy Summer Days

2008-05-20T14:55:00.000-07:00

The Botanic Garden

Spring started like shit. Bloody, horrible weather with occasional snow in the middle of March doesn’t really spells spring to me. I still have to wear my winter clothing which means I have to spend nearly 10 minutes in front of the mirror (not that I complaining). The stores stop selling knit wears since Boxing Day so your summer wears will still be in the paper bags. So any changes in the temperature certainly are welcome.

So summer came early this year. The temperature reached a high of 26 deg C and most of the days were really bright and breeze free. The air feels crisp and smells of warm toasted panini and fresh Bramley apples. Boys wear shorts and girls wear micro skirts. I have never seen so many people in the city and out of the sudden, there are people roaming the streets.

It is good, all good!

Unrequited Love

2008-05-13T14:10:00.000-07:00

From Romeo and Juliet to the modern day Carrie Bradshaw and Mr. Big, the two words mentioned above has become the inspiration for the greatest literatures and pop cultures alike. According to Wikipedia, unrequited love is love that is not reciprocated, even though reciprocation is usually deeply desired. The beloved may not even be aware of this person's deep feelings for them. This can lead to feelings such as depressions, low self-esteem, anxiety, and rapid mood swings between depression and euphoria. But what is this obsession? Why people, which over the years, has probably unlocked the mystery but yet still wants to embrace it?

The only one good reason would be the unknown destination that it offers. People like to yearn for it and at the same time feel the pain that comes long. Adults are masochistic and sadistic (let’s not deny that) and we love the emotional extremes that (disturbingly) found it simulating. I, for once, would have taken the high road and say, fuck it, I don’t wanna do this anymore. Ironically I come back and do that again.

People may or may not realize that unrequited love always motivates us to do something crazy. To tend that pain that we all feels in this one handed relationship, we always resort to emotional free one night stands and wild erratic behavior because as we are emotionally unavailable, we feed our lust and enjoy the anonymity that it offers, simple human contact that you wont get with your fantasy.

Chances are, if your obsessions with that person long enough, the person will notice you. And therefore, the reality kicks in, will you or will you not face this head on? Will this be the closure we’re looking for? The anxiety will be great and exhilarating at the same time but rest assured, it is better than nothing.

But then again, who are we kidding?

Innocence, The Value We Lost.

2008-05-08T09:40:00.000-07:00

Growing up can be such an exciting phase. All of us start to learn to be fussy about clothes, what kind of shoes that we want but cannot have and making friend with the mirror. But in that journey to adolescence and self – independence, we didn’t realize that the most important value to us had to be sacrificed. Much to our dismay, many people see innocence as annoyance.

Watching Frasier this morning has just taken me a back on how complicated adults are. We do want something so bad but we didn’t put much effort to pursue it or we did get the things we want but we are afraid to use or in denial of it or we lost it and realized that we didn’t want to lose in the first place. Yadda, yadda, yadda. Such vicious cycle can be painful but I do believe that lost of innocence plays a huge role in it. Simple questions like why and what would simply put our thoughts into perspective and lowers down the anxiety level.

Did we become more cynical and sarcastic or even jaded as we approach adulthood? I do think so. It is obviously a self preservation mechanism where cynicism is an equivalent of a poison to a snake. What cause it? Rejection and peer pressure.

So, a small amount of innocence does not hurt. It just shows how vulnerable we are as a human. If that is a bad thing, I don’t know what happened to us.

Holidaymakers Wannabe.

2008-03-31T08:47:00.001-07:00

So Easter break is now officially gone, now back in the office, feeling tattered and lost at moments. So how did I spend my Easter. Fabulously I guess. I went to Geneva for few days. No, I didn’t go skiing but sightseeing. So my feet hurt like hell since I wanted to wear my no sole shoes. I had a fabulous time and can’t wait for my next trip to Paris. Barcelona or Madrid next!.

Me at Musee d'Naturalle Histoire

The everfamous Aqua d'jet at Lac Leman

The Watch District

Quoi de Mont Blanc

Meeting The Queen

2008-03-23T07:25:00.000-07:00

I had the pleasure to be in the presence of Your Majesty Queen Elizabeth II for the unveiling of the stonework celebrating the centenary of the granting of the Royal Charter to the University. I knew about it a week before when I’ve got the invitation to the event. Well I didn’t know it was the Queen but they did say it will be somebody from the British Royal Family. I was hoping Prince William for the obvious reasons. I bought a bloody expensive suit just for the day and I hope it worth every penny.

The day came and I experiencing jitters from the moment that I woke up. I shaved two times and sprayed a dangerously big amount of perfume on my skins, on my clothes and over my suits (I would bet it is almost the same amount of perfume Izzu sprayed on himself every single time he goes out, remember Lolita Lempicka?), so much, I believed it would kill a dog two times over.

So the Queen arrived with His Royal Highness, Duke of Edinburgh and went on unveiling the stonework. So, now it’s my turn to talk to the Queen. The Queen was wearing a green suit with a matching hat. Her Majesty looked immaculate and regal as she would be. Her Majesty came over to my group and I was introduced to her. I did talk to Her Majesty but it was far from perfect.

Hello

It is a pleasure to meet you, Your Majesty.

Awkward pause number 1

So what are you doing here?

I’m a Malaysian and I’m a student here, maam.

Awkward pause number 2.

I’m doing a PhD in engineering.

Awkward pause number 3.

I have been here for 6 months and it is great to be here, maam.

How lovely. Hope you’ll get along well.

I am Your Majesty.

Then she moved away to the other party. I was dumbstruck for few seconds. It was surreal but I did enjoy being in her company.

What an experience!

Take A Number

2008-03-20T02:11:00.000-07:00

Just for your pleasure!

Leprechaun and Clover

2008-03-20T02:03:00.000-07:00

Last Monday was St. Patrick’s Day. St. Patrick is the patron saint for Ireland and Irish people all around the world. I was so excited, further fueled with extremely good weather, sunny but a bit wee cold. That didn’t stop me to wear my summer jacket which is green in color, the color for the day. There was a parade but I hardly can call that as parade since there weren’t many participants but it was festive in a sense. Then I and my friends followed the parade to the Custom House Square to watch St Patrick’s Day concert. The concert was all right with the main attraction will be Mutya Buena, the ex – Sugababe girl but I think the Irish folk song group stole the shows. The main attraction was quite disappointing but it was fun nevertheless.

Enjoy the pictures!

Use Your Imagination

2008-03-14T10:08:00.001-07:00

I've seen him for few times, serious stuff this one! Pretty lethal! (sorry apau, takut kena pukul).

The Seven Ages of a Sex Life

2008-03-09T07:29:00.000-07:00

We have made very little realization over the years of our adult life that our sex life follows a known pattern. Read below and be enlightened (and weep)!.

1. 12+ Teenage Wanker – Everybody knows that we knew about our sexuality in the early years of puberty. Hence, the first blow job and teenage pregnancy. Believe it or not, we probably realized whether we are heterosexual or homosexual were the times we spent alone in our room and jerking off to our fantasy (whether it were the good looking classmates or your teenage heartthrobs). But there were other problems that we faced during our teenage years like suicidal instincts and dire fashion disasters (certainly Versace green almost – glittering sequin look alike shirt, worn in the middle of the day in a crowded shopping mall now qualifies as a fashion faux pas)

2. 18+ Scene Queen – Suddenly the need to have a significant other becomes a primal urge. Internet and visiting the local bar become your best new hobby since you thought that will increases the odds of finding the one. And then, you finally found a pool of friends of the same interest within the 20 mile radius, not some old horny geriatrics, to tag along with you to the clubs every week, even you guys have to drive 100 km over (remember that guys). The neon lights and booming bass sounds to Marcel’s and Kylie Minouge’s songs become permanent fixtures in your weekends. And all of that, juggled together with obtaining a degree and a job.

3. 22+ Home Boy – At this stage, any 6 month’s relationship is considered as long term. You might feel that it is like yesterday that you are one of the scene queens (and being chased after some designer clad middle aged men, showering you with promises and make believes), you feel you are way too old for that kind crap anyway. Then, your mind begins to fill up your head with the idea of marriage, white picket fences or a cat or two (I am a victim!). So the urge of keeping the relationship you owned now becomes a prime objectives, along side that furniture from IKEA catalogue. But you can’t help but to wonder, what is the most important trait in a potential significant other: money or looks?

4. 25+ Mid Life Crisis – Beer belly, thinning hair line and evidence of late night life for the past 5 years have made you decided that you have been wasting your money on Starbucks, clothes, places to be and fanciful holidays. And then you decided to remove yourself from all of that and come back with a new look. Your friends surely rolled up their eyes at that point you said you on the verge of a ‘new you’. What a crap!

5. 28+ The Golden Years – The most dreaded time, the official time of losing your youth. You are officially a fossil. But guess what, you are happy. You finally earn a decent paycheck worth bragging about and have the choice of wasting it all on a new car or keep a nest egg. You finally know what you like sexually and probably has found the resolve to have a partnership.

6. 35+ The Homemaker – You probably have removed yourselves completely from the scene as it is not worth the trouble to be mocked about by the younger generation with their taut skins and even complexions. You probably now have a long term partner which look scarily identical to you. Sex is …. less important all of the sudden. Now that is a scary thought.

7. 50+ Grey Days – While now you are rich enough, complete with your townhouse and fancy car, the plastic surgery seems not that important anymore since you can always pay for the sex. It is not all that different since you obviously have to pay for dinner and movie tickets for your first partner. It is not all that different.

Not So Peachy!

2008-02-29T03:54:00.000-08:00

I hate UK’s weather.

Wet, cold, windy with chill factor of minus 100. The opposites of Malaysia.

It is March already and the weather hasn’t improved for the past months and they said now it is already spring time. There are signs of spring in the air like the occasional lovely sunny day, the birds are chirping, the cherry blossoms (sakura) are now blooming but the temperature is still 5 degrees C max!

St. Patrick’s Day is approaching and the long awaited Easter week, I will probably travel to London or Paris for the holiday or Dublin if the plan is called off.

Finding Each Other Again

2008-02-13T02:30:00.000-08:00

These pictures were taken during my night out at Kremlin.

Last weekend is the best weekend I’ve ever had since arriving here. My old friend, Daia and his friend came over to my house to spend the weekend here in Belfast. After staying alone for quite sometimes, their visit is actually a boast to my sanity. I didn’t cook a lot of food since Daia was asking for authentic Malaysian foods. Therefore, I make out the best from the materials that I can get from here and whipped out a rending and a roast ‘percik’ chicken.

It has been a while since I met Daia since he left for UK. At that time I didn’t know that I’ll be coming here. I went to Europa Bus Centre to fetch them up as they were coming from Dublin. And here they were, Daia with his signature walk, toned down quite significantly since the last time I saw him but he still has that charming, bubbly attitude. We went back to my place to have dinner. The conversation was excellent, well compared to the nights that I have to eat alone.

We went out that night to the Kremlin, Belfast super gay club. We were probably the only Asian trio in the club. We looked so out of place but that didn’t hinder the attentions from the locals at us. The club scene was great, the music is great. The DJ played progressive sounds with occasional Top 40s. I have always known that Belfast is packed with beautiful people of Irish descendants but this club surely packed the crème de la crème of the society. But I do have a confession, that was my first ever venture out from my house at night. Pretty impressive huh?!

Even after a late night out, I managed to drag my heavy ass out of the bed and get onto a cab and fetch my significant other. I haven’t seen my significant other for four good months and surely I was excited. My significant other arrived and we headed back to my place to meet the others. I have never received people other than those of the Belfast community. Change of scenery surely is welcome.

After meeting all of these people, I realized that after you become detached from someone that you cherish, you will look at that person in a whole new light. You tend to listen more and understand more. At the end of the day, you won’t want that to go away. It is a bit sad to see the taxi that carries Daia and Heng gone out of my sight, but I still have my significant other, standing beside me in the rain.

Nothing will beat that any day in my book.

My Perfect Relationship

2008-01-18T08:59:00.000-08:00

Every vain young man whether he is a gay, straight or metro sexual (a lame excuse of not being gay), has a really good relationship with his hairdresser. Over a man’s lifetime, he might have less than ten different hairdressers at the most. And usually the relationship was over due to death or you move to somewhere else. You will have certain edginess when you want to approach a new hairdresser because you know what you will be giving away at certain stage. If you are happy with your hairdresser, you will stick with that hairdresser for quite sometime. That is how monogamous a man can be at most.

That relationship that you have with your hairdresser is pure and untainted. You let somebody holds your hair and basically let him/her have his/her way around you. You only give him/her one single instruction at first and away he/she goes on doing your hair. You are at your most vulnerable form.

I still remember my first hairdresser. He was an old man with a rickety chair and that familiar smell of Indian massage oil. He always greeted me with the same line every time I met him.

‘Hei ape khabar budak kecik? Macammana sekolah?’
‘Hei, How are you little boy? How’s school?’

Every single time.

Even after I’m off to a boarding school, I refused to let anybody else cut my hair and I did let my hair grow long until I had the chance to go back to my home town. And I always got that look from the warden since my boarding school is very strict with appearances. He was the only one until he passed away due to pneumonia. I was grief stricken for months.

My favorite hairdresser is this Chinese guy with a salon at one of the shopping complexes in KL. He is nice and he has this amazing funky styled hair which I love. His hands work wonders and you know you are in the most capable hands. We talked a lot but most of the times it is about his foreign boyfriend and clothes and shoes (I used to like skaters shoes). He changed my hairstyle when the present one is outdated without asking me but I never complained because the end result is nothing short that superb. That is until he moved away to Australia.

Now I’m in some foreign land and the first grown up local that I befriended of is my new hairdresser. His name is Pete and he is gorgeous young Irish man with a distinctive nice smell. He knew that I was new in town and he did make me feel comfortable. We talked a lot of things but mostly the conversation skewed around me and where I come from and what I’m doing here.. I know he worked at the saloon for the past two years and he is from Ballycreek (don’t know where the hell is that) and he is not married.

Today is my third visit to see him and I believe it is a start of something special (at least for the next three years).

Season of The Year

2008-01-04T02:04:00.000-08:00

It snowed last night!

I have been wanting to play snow like a mindless 5 year old! And my wish came true last night and what a grand entrance it made. It snowed for the whole night and in the morning after, there are huge pile of snow everywhere! I went out and played with the snow at the mezzanine behind my apartment. It was fun!

I have some pictures here for you.

Home From Home

2008-01-02T06:21:00.000-08:00

The Elms

Living Room

Open Plan Kitchen & Dining Room

En Suite

Love Letters

2007-12-12T04:48:00.000-08:00

I had few instances over the month to pick up a pen and paper and write to my significant other a letter. A love letter to be exact. I can’t remember when was the last time that I have written a love letter. With the emails and phone and yahoo messenger, real time communication is the real deal now but there is something amiss about all of that. There is no emotional thing going on and the anxiety of waiting mail everyday.

Back when I was young, I wrote love letters to whomever that I was dating at that time. Mobile phone was not around or it is too expensive at that time. Sometimes I can wrote multiple pages of letters in just one sitting and post it the next day. The feeling is just different. Most will bare it all in the letter and hope to carry your voice in the pages of your letter. And when the intended recipient (intended means the person you want to read the letter) read the letter, he or she will feel that he or she is actually having the conversation with you. Sometimes you can imagine the face and the intonation of the sender and that is precious as you will know you do have something good going on.

And when you reach the last page with “with love” or “always remembers you” or “yours truly” remarks, you will feel so lost and sad. At that moment in time, you will pick up that pen and pour your heart out.

The whole process is therapeutic and fun. And that’s why all the generations before me have a really good command of the language and really can play with words. Sentences those are so good to read but bring meaning of intangible values.

“The windy breeze of summers carries the sweet scent of you to me, longing for the warmth of us together here”

So tacky!! (I know!!)

Getting Hauled Up to You - Know – Where

2007-11-14T06:19:00.000-08:00

I want to tell you the story of what I have been doing for the past three weeks in this new foreign land. It is never easy to move lock, stock and barrel, drop everything and with confidence, hop to one of the planes and hope for the best. It will never work. Seriously, if you don’t have the right mind to do that, you might fall apart along the way. But then again, changes have never been easy.

The first week was crazy. I didn’t bring a lot of money since the money came in when I’m already on the road. So I put all my expenses on the cards, hoping that I can pay that off once I got the money. God, how wrong was I! The cards didn’t go through the hotel system, started cursing to the banks and the hotel management, scrapped whatever left over money that I have in all 2 luggage from my US trip. I managed to get enough money to pay for the first week and will worry the second week for later.

House hunting is something that I don’t want to do in any near future. The market is slow, all the good properties have been taken up, the available ones are way too far or situated in some dodgy areas. I think I have done enough walking to make my cholesterol level back to normal. At last we found really good property that fits most of our requirement but the rental fee is just way up my expectations. At this point, I persuaded myself that I cannot be that choosy or I will end up as a permanent resident at the hotel, which is not a good sight.

Well there is a catch. I cannot move in until the week after since it is not furnished and the landlord needs some time to get the stuffs up the place. Since I have never been occupied, I will be expecting a lot of glitches around the house. So I made plans to withdraw money for the next seven days since apparently there is a limit of how much that you can withdraw at foreign ATM machines at any time. So I did that, walked in the wee hours in a really cold and wet environment.

I am sure enough, there will be arising needs for local bank account and phone. So I went for bargain hunting. There was not much to do since I don’t have a local address. I have to wait for a tenancy agreement for me to get anything in this country. How wonderful! Luckily I still have my Malaysian number still working and the phone charges is not that bad.

Luckily, I was able to move in the specified time but the hassle didn’t stop there. There are stuffs to buy and there are a lot of stuffs to buy just to get to my standard of living comfortably.

A piece of advice I would like to offer, it is fun but exhausting, be mentally alert and strong because you don’t know what is coming your way.

Belfast: New Adventure

2007-11-02T09:01:00.000-07:00

This is for Izu.

You might want to look at the left bottom corner (nasib baik lah tak kena pukul)

The Last Day of Summer

2007-10-29T00:02:00.000-07:00

Today, they said it is the last day of summer in the UK. So the day will be an hour longer ( I didn’t know what that mean). The journey from Richland, Washington to London, UK was fun. The team was running around at the Columbia River park. It was a really nice to walk around, the trees took the colors of autumn, red, yellow and orange. A real pleasure to the eyes indeed. There was a curious collie that came towards us, small bundle joy that is, really looked silly with the Halloween ribbons around its neck. Suddenly I felt really sad, if only Beau is here.

So I get myself separated from the others since I need to get myself to London. It was a two hour flight from Pasco Airport to Denver Colorado. The weather was great, although it was a little bit chilly by any Malaysian’s standard. I can see circles after circles of wheat fields and soy. So I arrived at the Denver airport, it was huge (wont put KLIA in the same league though) and buzzing with people and activities. I was lost at times and really don’t know where to go to. However I did manage to get myself to the gate after few wrong turns.

I have never ride on different airlines before except for Malaysian Airlines and Japan Airlines. And when people say that Malaysian Airlines business class is the best in the world, surely there is some truth to that. British Airways was ok. The arrangement of the seats seems awkward, it is facing each other (I would rather shoot the idea originator, really didn’t get the logic behind that). The journey was rather okay, wouldn’t say a word to the other people on it.

London is everything that I have imagined. Cold, dreary and seemingly interesting. The hotel was near to the ever famous Malaysian Hall, you can really see the Melayu London population (not a small number). Walking around was a breeze, it is not hot and humid as in Malaysia but when the wind blows, it is sure is chilly.

So much to do and so little time, in two days time, I will head to Belfast, my final destination.

The American Dream

2007-10-22T20:54:00.000-07:00

Jetlagged and confused, I was forced to drag my heavy luggage across LAX and in the same time, try not to look dazed and such. This is my first trip to the US after almost 6 years and nothing changed except for the traffic and the ever loud Americans. This time around, since I am going to Belfast for project implementation for the next 3 years, I have dragged along my 50 kg luggage. And it wasn’t easy.

So I’ve landed at LAX in the afternoon and swore to myself that I will not travel like this anymore. The weather was crisp and a little bit cold, around 14 degrees C. My colleagues were scrambling trying to figure out how to get the to hotel

“This must be a dodgy hotel”

And surprise, it was a dodgy hotel.

I was tired and drowsy. Even in dodgy hotel, the bed looks so comforting and inviting and I slept for good 90 minutes.

After that, my boss was pestering me non stop, asking me to go to Santa Monica and Hollywood. I reluctantly agreed. It was great but damn cold.

Enjoy the pictures!

Happy Eid Fitr

2007-10-10T02:27:00.000-07:00

Ramadan is almost gone already, nearly marking the day that i will be away from home land. but anyway i would like to wish everybody, Happy Eid Fitr and Maaf Zahir & Batin from me and my family.

What Have I Gotten Myself Into?

2007-09-18T18:04:00.000-07:00

Have you ever get that funny feeling in your gut, feeding your brain with ideas saying that this must be the craziest thing you have done in your life? One way or another, everybody will experience something like that. Well, that feeling is driving me crazy at the moment.

You see, I’ve made the decision to further my study via project implementation at Queen’s University of Belfast for the next three years. From there, I will get my doctorate certification and some more extra work for the next couple of years. My significant other has been very supportive and willingly to move over there with me.

‘I don’t want you blame me later on for not allowing you to go’

At the moment, it is quite hectic with all of the paper works that need to be done, I have not seen such many forms inquiring almost irrelevant question concerning myself. I guess I need to soldier through. But anyway, I found a nice one bedroom apartment, complete with central heating and kitchen; very near with the future campus and besides that there are ample grocery shops and a park for my daily jog.

Belfast now is experiencing winter, so better for me to stock up all those winter clothing. Luckily I will be getting those clothing allowance from my sponsor.

To those who want to stop by in the future, I would be more than happy to entertain you guys

I guess from now on, my blog will be on my adventures in Belfast.

Complicated Realizations

2007-09-12T21:00:00.000-07:00

People will start to realize that at every onset of life cycle, ‘togetherness’ is not a priority. Each and every one of us will then make way and stand on our own two feet (or eight for those who have that). Much to our dismay, this is the sad reality. There were times where we were forced to huddled each other and drag others into almost anything. But as much as these people think they know, at one point, people will go separately way due to different needs and goals.

For example, I chose not to get married despite the onslaught of weddings invitation, social events and the inevitable questions. Why must I succumb to the norm and yet become the victim of an uninformed decision? I love the way that I’m at now and changes just will spoil the mood. Besides, there are so many things to do but so little time.

Sure enough, some other people motivation would be better money and livelihood, work satisfaction or just wanna get out from shitty situation. And other people's motivation just went out of the window once they realised that they cannot get what they what. What better way than to improvise? At the end of the day, all of us are result oriented people. As often said, the ends justify the means.

Once, one of my childhood friends called me out of the blue and told me:

“Hey, I think I am not fit for the rival team, so much drama. Horrible, emotional distress, it would be like living in a torture chamber with the best equipments that the people can offer. I can’t imagine giving up things that I like, I think I wanna stick with our team, what do you think? Will you be okay with that?

“Hmm, I’m okay with that, I think I have always knew”

“What? How?”

“Let’s call it my hunch, just don’t get kill in the process.”

That would not be the first.

The Family Jewel

2007-09-07T01:17:00.001-07:00

Everybody, here I present to you Beau, the cranky cat, pride and joy of my family.

This is the cat that likes to crawl between me and my partner in the middle of the night and stuck his (wet!!) nose anywhere he likes. This is the cat that makes all those unnecessary sound in the wee hours, just because nobody is around to pat him. And this is the cat that likes to make the most adorable face when he wants something and would meow relentlessly until he gets it (more adorable than Cat in Boots in Shrek 2)

But regardless of the things that he does, we have always loved him unconditionally. No matter how bad or crappy is your day, Beau will definitely cheer it up.

Once, me and my partner had the worst fight, I ran out from the house and didn’t come back for several nights. It ripped my heart through when I thought there might be a chance in hell that I won’t be able to see him again. Of the many unanswered SMS s that my partner sent in that period of time, only one that struck my chord.

“During the nights that you weren’t around, when I cried my self to sleep, Beau was there and looked at me as if he is saying, it is going to be okay, he will be back”

That point, I said to myself, this is just an episode (among other things of course).

I know this is sappy but it did happen. The same happened when my mum passed away, putting his head on my lap and stay with me during that whole period where my eyes on the TV but the mind was not there.

Shit, I better stop now!

When You Want To Be Accommodating

2007-09-04T01:37:00.000-07:00

I'm such an idiot when it comes to IT stuff, tried to upload a picture from my previous visit to Japan.

The picture here is Tokyo Bay, taken while i'm on my way to Haneda Airport

One Liter of Tears

2007-08-15T23:25:00.000-07:00

While my blog is collecting dust in this cyber world, I actually enjoying my time being anonymous and not caring much of what the blabbering I heard in my head. Thinking is just too much of an effort at times. Nevertheless, I do still want to write rather giving up this talent (as if!!) that I have.

Memang betul Cik Sal, memang tak update.

One liter of tears is a real tear jerking jdorama that will pull the cord off your heart every time you watched it. A real story that revolves around a girl name Kito Aya who had lived through her life a with some brain disease but always see the positive side and realized that her life is not about her but the people around her. Yes, I would agree that is the best ingredient plus there is some death involved with the main character. (Okay, don’t get heartless now)

When to come to think about it (again, think is the operative word here), it does revolves around that. Some people are condescending, some people they know better or they know it all, and some people think they can screw other people using other people because apparently they don’t have the capacity to do it themselves. And all of that need o go through a long lengthy discussion and menacing face movement but at the end, it just a complete bull. It is all about being abused and used. What a wonderful phrase! Abused and used!

To some onlookers to my life, I must be a very contented yet lonely person. I was never seen with friends or I just sit around home when my partner is not around. People make decisions and sometimes people do stick to it. For info, I do have friends and I believe they do have their own priorities, must it be careers, fuck buddy or time. And I know because of this, most of them are doing very well now and living the things that they always want back then when we were just kids.

And by knowing that, it was never about me

Matters of the Heart

2007-04-01T21:11:00.000-07:00

I know I haven’t updating my blog for centuries now. Too much things happening and at moment, it can be over whelming. Looking at the past few months, it makes me wonder, is it the desire to be a jet setter, or a full time yuppie (with little time in hands) that make me so out of touch with matters that close at heart?

The real answer is, I really do not know.

Mind boggling, isn’t it?

At times, in life, you are forced to see back and re evaluate the things that you have done so far. Certainly, you will start questioning back certain fundamentals, introducing certain angles and re evaluates certain measures. But, the questions is, do I have the answers?

The real answer is, I don’t think so

When my mum passed away recently, as painful it can be, I felt so numb. I have always been the person that doesn’t like not to have control on things because I know not having in control can does render anybody to be helpless. Helpless means weak and weakness is not a good value to have in any person

Painting It All In The Wrong Way

2006-12-14T17:36:00.000-08:00

It is an issue when people have pre conceived notions when they walk in a room. And it is altogether another issue when somebody validates the pre conceived notions. Everybody likes to be in the winning side (only if you get my drift).

I always want a good start for everyone especially my friends. A good start has never fail to alleviate the spirit of somebody especially when we need a fresh start like, for instance, graduating from school or after a messy breakup. And a good start is hard to find or come by. That’s why, when opportunity comes by, the next logical thinking would be to grab it hot from the oven. At one point, I think my success rate is high due to this. But that doesn’t apply to everyone.

My significant other told me that a company wants to direct hire fresh graduates for their multiple projects and as for training they will be provided as they go into the jobs. So the first thing in my mind would be how interesting it was since the only thing that why they doing that is because they desperately want people. So I approached those unlucky sods that have some potential for the work as it involves a lot of traveling and such. One thing leads to another thing.

I guessed the interview went well since they didn’t call for advice and stuff (well they are big enough to think for themselves). But out of that odd number, only one got the jobs and the others was KIVed for which I think it is ridiculous. The feedback was one of the candidate was not portraying the right image for the position. And the other person that they hire is lacking the enthusiasm, like waiting the right moment to jump to another bandwagon. Needless to say, I was furious.

The lesson learnt is, the only thing is we always need to portray the right image for every thing. We need to make the statement “however the outside look says to you, I have the right capability to do it and I will do it well” I believe that is not even qualified as a hassle.